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IELTS Task1 writing British donating people

amal_93 1 / -  
Apr 6, 2017   #1

donating percentage for charity

The bar graph below displays the percentage of British people donating for charity in 1990 and 2010 as they are categorized by age .

Overall, it's noticeable that in most age categories, year 1990 had significant percentage in people donating than 2010. Also, year 1990 has peaked in the 36-50 age category while 2010 reached most donation percentage in the category 51-56 years old.

It's noticeable that in 1990 the percentage is considerably high, especially between young adults. For example, between age of 18 to 25 it reached just above 15% compared to nearly 7% in 2010. On the other hand, in 2010 the percentage has flipped for ages 51 and more to be higher in comparison with the same category in 1990.

Also in 1990, the significant majority of donation was for the people aging 35-50 years old to be nearly 43%. At the same time, the peak in 2010 was for the sake of older people that age between 51 and 65 years old

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 6, 2017   #2
Hello Amal, I have read your review in this writing. I found many improvements you need. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.

1. Be careful of picking a conjunction up. I think you make a mistake in delivering the conjunction at the first sentence. It's better you use the connector conjunction "and". Please, you double check your sentence to make sure that you write is what you mind. That really broke your sentence.

2. I suggest you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in writing a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Following this, your overview is less strong to describe attractive trends in the bar chart.

3. Avoid using a contraction (it's) in the formal writing. That is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.

4. Don't use the word "for example" because it seemed that you will give perception about the bar chart although it is prohibited in the writing task 1.

5. Believe me that you cannot get the high score in this moment because you forgot one of the essential prompts. You are supposed to present comparisons in this writing. I only wanna remind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe separately. Make sure that your writing has had that sense.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this writing.

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