Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

IELTS 2: buildings which were recently constructed should follow the form that used in old ones

thuyetdongoc 1 / -  
Jul 27, 2022   #1

newly built houses should follow the old style or people can choose freely

It is sometimes argued that buildings which were recently constructed in the local regions should follow the form that used in old ones, while others think that there should be no rules and people can choose their house style freely. I believe that building houses should not be constrained by a framework, which should be creative and expressed in their own life.

On the one hand, the principal reason why some people think that new constructions should be designed based on the old ones in local areas is that this helps to preserve the traditional and cultural values, which could boost the number of visitors to the region. Take Hoi An, which is known as one of the most beautiful cities in Asia, as an example. Local people here are encouraged to preserve their own houses or construct new buildings following the traditional architectural style. As a result, Hoi An has become a popular tourist destination and attracted many visitors.

On the other hand, I would argue that people should have the right to make their own decision when choosing a style for their houses. The first reason is that some people do not like the style of old buildings in their neighborhood. Another reason is the cost of the houses. It is better to build a modern house rather than one which has to be old and historic. Moreover, people who build houses freely with their style can improve their creativity and architecture skill.

In conclusion, many people think that new houses should be designed based on the old ones. However, I still hold my opinion that people should have the right to build their favorite house
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Jul 27, 2022   #2
The discussion is incomplete. The consideration for the second public opinion is missing from the presentation. Thus, the essay will be scored based on only 2 out of the 3 required discussion points. This is precisely the reason why I ask my students to refrain from using the 3 paragraph discussion presentation. They will always forget to discuss one of the 3 required points in the essay. It is always best to use the compare and contrast via personal opinion format instead. Using that format, the writer will achieve the discussion requirement of:

1. Explain why the public supports the opinion
2. What the writer thinks / how the writer views that opinion

By using these 2 considerations for the discussion paragraphs, the strongest and most responsive reasons can be fully developed within 2 paragraphs. This essay might get a low passing score but that is unlikely since the discussion presentation is not complete.
Charles Le 1 / 2 1  
Jul 31, 2022   #3
More academic vocabulary should be used. Use of the word "rule" could be replaced by mandatory/compulsory. "people can choose their house style freely" could be rewrite as : citizens should be entitled to opt for design and style of their own home. Likewise, the topic sentence of the third paragraph could also be: that inhabitants should be given the ultimate decision when it comes to planning their safe haven. Several words seem to be repeated, so try to paraphrase as much as you can.
Quang Bao 3 / 4 1  
Aug 1, 2022   #4
I think your example sentence needs connecting. "Take Hoi An... as an example, local people... style" should be the correct one.
One more problem is "Local people here", which should be "there" because you were not saying you from Hoi An, were you?

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: buildings which were recently constructed should follow the form that used in old ones