Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Burnaby Public Library's Visitors



Clark Kent 20 / 23  
Nov 21, 2015   #1
A breakdown of the figure for books read by males and females between 2011 and 2014, as the projected year, a 4-year period in Burnaby Public Library is revealed in the line graph. Overall, the number of male readers experienced the greatest over the period after surpassing female's figure.

In 2011, around 5000 women loved reading books in the library, while men were only more than a half of this. The number of female readers witnessed a less two times increase in the next year to 8000, but the males only experienced a slight rise by 1000. Interestingly, both figures reached the same level in 2013, with 10,000 readers.

By 2014, the number of males and females had witnessed a different trend. The figures for men had risen dramatically and continued to reach a peak at 14,000 readers, while the number of women spending time in library decreased sharply at no more than 8,000 readers.


  • IELTS_Writing_Task_1.png


vangiespen - / 4077  
Nov 21, 2015   #2
Muflih, your report lacks a clarity in the presentation of the information. The confusing presentation makes the report unable to provide the necessary information to the reader. It is important that you constantly practice sentence structure and development in relation to essay writing in order to improve in that aspect of English writing. In the meantime, let me offer you a clearer version of your essay below:

The chart below reveals the information regarding the figure of books read by the visitors of the Burnaby Public library over a 4 year period. The line graph illustrates the difference in numbers between the male and female readers. The chart explains that the library had a greater number of male readers during the years of 2011-2014 than that of the females.

Around 5000 women came to the library to read books in 2011 while approximately 2500 men came by during the same period. The number of female readers witnessed an increase to 8000 readers in 2012 while the males increased to only 3500. However, both levels increased to an equal number of 10000 in 2013.

In 2014, a change in the trend of male and female readers at the library was seen. The men now increased to a peak number of 14000 readers. The women on the other hand, decreased in number and fell to 8000, which is the same number of men who visited the library in 2012.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Nov 23, 2015   #3
A breakdown of the figure for books read ...
A breakdown of the figure for books read by males and females between 2011 and THE PROJECTION FOR 2014, a 4-year period in Burnaby Public Library is revealed in the line graph. Initially, more women read books, but this figure shows a downward trend in 2013 onwards. In the same year, the figure for men reading books has successfully overtaken the woman figure.

In 2011, around 5000 women loved reading books ...
In 2011, around 5000 women PREFERRED reading books in the library, while men doing this activity were NOTED only more than a half of this. The number of female readers witnessed almost TWOFOLD increase (8000) in the next year, but the males only experienced a slight rise, from approximately 3000 to 4000, an increase of about 1000. Interestingly, both figures reached the same level in 2013, with 10,000 readers.

By 2014, the number of males and females had witnessed a different trend.

By 2014, a gap between male and female figures had widened out.


Home / Writing Feedback / Burnaby Public Library's Visitors
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳