Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The business and cultural contact grows more and more widely between countries; pros and cons

Vivian Clouds 1 / 1  
Jul 16, 2018   #1


TOPIC: Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Due to the development of the growing economy recently, the business and cultural contact grows more and more widely between countries, which has consequently raised doubts on what pros and cons it can possibly take

It is clear that the interaction with foreign countries will bring out many favorable features for us. For example, we especially get fresh feelings hearing or watching oversea films and songs at the same time enrich our knowledge with a newly different tradition, lifestyles, culture, languages. Moreover, we make use of the intercourse between countries to trade our goods internationally, such as highly-technical subjects, nutrient food, ultramodern clothing and so on. In my viewpoint, the touch of the inter culture helps us a lot in our way to complete ourselves, concretely to become more confident, flexible, open-minded and headstrong.

But is it a perfect idea to be always learning and following other nations ? Actually, besides the upside, business and cultural contact between countries literally has its own drawback. It is often argued that many countries will lose their national identities, which are special marks of each country. However, whether it would be a positive or negative effect all depends on our choice of things to learn. For instance, we study other cultures but we set a certain limit on it so as not to forget our own one

Still in all, I would prefer to make business and cultural contact between countries but the point is we ought to balance off wisely which is ours and which is not to obtain the best results

P/s: I've just started to write English essay so that must be a worst essay you've ever seen but I'm literally looking forward to receiving your advice. Thank a lot

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,193 2316  
Jul 17, 2018   #2
Van, since this is your first Task 2 essay, I will not be scoring you this time around. Your work needs to show improvement over your next few essays in order for me to begin to gauge whether or not it is time to start scoring your work. For now, I will point out your mistakes and offer you suggestions as to how you can improve your writing skills.

The first problem this this essay is that you are using too many long sentences. You need to cut these down to shorter but complex sentences in order to improve your GRA score. Writing shorter sentences will also help you create more understandable paragraphs since you are advised to write about only one topic per paragraph within 3-5 sentences. This is the advised length for most of the essay because you are expected to write a mix or short and medium length sentences instead of sentences separated by commas when presenting ideas. Using commas that separate various ideas makes it difficult for the reader to remember what you wrote or creates confusing paragraphs that the reader may not be able to fully understand during the first read through.

Do not offer questions within the essay. You are risking creating a prompt deviation in that instance. You must only offer responses that answer the prompt or cultivate your response throughout the body of paragraphs. You should also never start a sentence with the word "but" because that is a connecting word and as such, cannot be used at the start of a sentence, where no idea or sentence exists to connect to the next sentence.

Your personal point of view should not be extremely short as it needs to be developed into a proper paragraph also. In addition to that, never make the mistake of using the concluding paragraph to state your personal opinion because you end up presenting an open ended rather than concluded essay. An open ended essay is an essay that presents a personal opinion in the final paragraph. That does not close the essay discussion because new information was provided. A concluding summary is similar to the prompt paraphrase in the sense that it refers to the restated prompt topic, reasonings presented, and a repeat of your opinion as the closing sentence.

In a 2 point of view and personal opinion discussion, the proper format is as follows:

Par. 1 - prompt paraphrase
Par. 2 - First point of view
Par. 3 - Second point of view
Par. 4 - Personal opinion
Par. 5 - Concluding summary

If you wish to learn more about the proper formatting and response presentation for various essay questions under the Task 2 essay test, you may review the other practice tests here. Note their mistakes and the advice given so that you can apply the correction to your upcoming practice tests.
OP Vivian Clouds 1 / 1  
Jul 21, 2018   #3
thank you so much. i'll try my best to improve my writing skill in the next few essays ;)

Home / Writing Feedback / The business and cultural contact grows more and more widely between countries; pros and cons