IELTS TASK 2 : Business and marketing, promotion funds (which makes people buy their products)

multinational conglomerates selling power

Topic :Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

Many conglomerates and big companies try to manipulate the market by spending a tremendous amount of money on marketing and promoting to encourage people to buy their merchandise. As a result, this leaves very little chance for local products can reach to the customers. More investment and advertising campaigns should be spent on gaining popularity for these underrated commodities.

A severe problem caused by the dominance of economic giants is the gradual disappearance of small businesses. To begin with, as a huge budget is used for advertising, products of large companies appear with dense frequency in front of consumers on every means of media such as televisions, websites, newspapers, or magazines. This leads to a predictable outcome that buyers will tend to choose their goods because of the feeling that widely known items will ensure much more secure than a local product with an unfamiliar origin. Consequently, without customers, small enterprises encounter various challenges and obstacles, especially the problem of profit. In order to survive in a competitive world, they must find a way to fight with these multinational groups. As this was never easy, many of them have come to failure and go out of business. Even when local entrepreneurs maintain their preservance, their companies still have to face up to the reality of manpower shortage when workers are hardly dedicated to a job of low salary. In many Vietnamese traditional craft villages, for instance, most of the artisans are from the older generation, meanwhile, 90% of the youth from these villages drop off to find a better career in big companies.

In an attempt to stop these disappearances, actions should be done to cheer people to buy local products. Firstly, local businessmen should be assisted with funds. Within an adequate financial support, they will be able to do marketing and expand the market. Furthermore, local traders should be trained on how to brand and make a clear strategy. They should also know how to show their advantage as their products are way more unique and suitable for local inhabitants than commercialized merchandise from big corps at a maximum level in their advertisements to appeal to customers and improve the quality of goods to ensure their customers want to come back. Fairs can also be held to promote their product and make their own special charm.

In conclusion, due to the fact that well-funded companies and multinational conglomerates harm the local businesses with a huge budget for advertisements, small and medium-sized enterprises should be provided financial support and other help to compete against these giants and attract more customers . It is suggested that the improvement and growth of local businesses will raise the local economy.

First of all, issue with sentence structure.
Intro: "... products can reach to reach the customers. "

Para 1: "widely known items will ensure much ..." - you can say they form their trust through extensive adverts and get into the subconscious mind of people.

"... many of them have come to failure" - have become a failure

Para 2: please put an example.you can talk about how internet is assisting such local companies to get their own space. You can also talk about e commerce space where they can market their products at cheap price.

Overall its good.

You are over estimating your writing skills. The advisable number of words to write for this task is 275-290 words. You see, there is such a thing as over explanation. When you try to explain too much, you end up creating forced errors within your writing that could be avoided by simply writing well, using less words and focusing on the editing and perfecting of the presentation. A long essay, though impressive in terms of typing skill, does not do much for you in a test that requires analysis and clear explanations.

Your paragraphs should only be composed of :
- 1 paraphrase + response
- 2 reasoning paragraphs
- 1 concluding summary of the previous discussion topic sentences

While you did a good job in responding to the question, your explanation is a bit too cluttered for the examiner. You just need to present 3-5 sentences that clearly explains your point through:

- A topic sentence
- A reason for your topic sentence
- An example to support the reason
- An additional supporting sentence

That is all you need to score well. Clarity will help you score higher as that is one the scoring requirements. Word length isn't part of the scoring considerations. Good work in the discussion but, like I said, you have a few forced errors that could have been spotted if had focused on cleaning up the presentation instead.

Spelling:
preservance - perseverance

Clarity - Simple words work best in certain instances. Sometimes, simple words can help with your LR + C&C score far better than complicated / advanced words.

... should be assisted with funds... - should be helped with..
... small enterprises encounter various... - ... enterprises meet...
Even when local entrepreneurs maintain their perseverance - ... entrepreneurs persevere...

@Holt @Gate
Thank you so much!!