Hi all! I find it a lovely website.
I am preparing for toefl and hope to receive as much advice as possible.
So please help with my essay. Make corrections for me and grade it out of 5 if you could.
I appreciate your help.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the busy and crowded world, we should not expect people to be polite to others.
Residing in metropolitan areas, overwhelmed with mounting population, modern people have probably experienced more than once when tapped on the arm or when tapping others with no offence. Some contend that in such busy and crowded world, we should not expect people to be polite to others because nowadays people tend to be less sensitive to discourteousness, in other words, the threshold for reacting to it has changed. However, I firmly disagree with this statement since politeness plays a pivotal role in molding one's character and moral, thus affecting one's social networks. In addition, more often than not, misbehavior can lead to low efficiency or delay certain types of work.
To begin with, good manners become increasingly crucial in socializing with others. One's character is the crux in the formation of likes and dislikes when it comes to social contact. And impoliteness can definitely leave a stain on it, because good manners belong to the basic social intercourse, demonstrating respect in an invisible way to whom one is interacting with. Rudeness, by contrast, clearly displays one's personality defect in lacking fundamental respect to others. Moreover, it leaves an impression of effrontery and insolence, which is a doubtless ruin in relationships. To illustrate, among my high school classmates, there was one who never paid any attention to his manners. Hardly anyone liked him because they felt their esteem offended and their pride injured when talking to him. Consequently, his surliness alienated him from others, both students and teachers. Therefore, to form a normal network with others, one should mind his/her manners.
Additionally, courtesy saves time, ensuring the effectiveness and efficiency in social functioning. Courtesy is the lubricant that reduces friction. Generally, it saves the time that may otherwise be wasted in quarrels and fights. For instance, the actions of the Japanese refugees who waited patiently in long lines to obtain water after the March 2011 earthquake startled people around the world. Had they tried to cut in line, it would certainly taken longer for all to get water, and it could even have given rise to violence. It is obvious that good manners sometimes contribute to the regular running of society.
It is true that in this busy and crowded world, there are inevitable circumstances where people cause inconvenience and discomfort to others, be it intentional or not. Nevertheless, the majority tend to avoid them because etiquette is essential in shaping one's personality and socializing with others. Furthermore, lack of politeness may lead to conflicts which lower the efficiency in the operating of society.
Lisa, after reading your essay, I grade it 4. 4 because of the following corrections that I made;
- Some contendcontest that in such busy and crowded world,
- to be less sensitive to discourteousnessbeing courteous or being respectful to one's space , in other words,
- more often than not, misbehaviormisbehavior(make sure that your spell checker is on to avoid such mistakes, they're minor but it's better not to commit any ) can..
- Rudeness, by contrast,On the contrary, rudeness, clearly displays
- - which is a doubtless, needless to say, can ruin in relationships.
- Hardly anyone liked him because they felt their esteem offended and their pride is injured when talking to him.
There you have it Lisa, a few modifications from my end. I also would like to mention that as I go through your essay, it was quite hard to connect with it, due to the fact that the words that you use in the essay are "big words", words that one will not normally use in a conversation or on a normal essay. This is very inconvenient because as a reader I want to know and understand the message that you want to convey but if I have to consult the dictionary all the time, I just lost the sense of the essay, so be careful next time.
Otherwise, it's written well.Keep up the good job.
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
