Topic
Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
The improvement by using the internet has affected people's behaviour. Particularly, in shopping which they prefer to buy what they need like clothes, groceries even air ticket via online. In this case, I strongly believe that even though there are several advantages like citizens can gain product easily, yet some drawbacks still give impacts to the shopping activities.
These days, a great deal of inhabitants can access the internet everywhere and every time, which is no distance and unlimited time to do many activities via online. Without exception in the looking for products which is every person can open the trade website. There, they can gain what they need by typing in, then they can compare the prices and discounts among many shops in the selling sites. For example, individual wants to obtain information regarding how to buy a smartphone; he just opens the Lazada.com which he can find a wide range of seller of mobile phone. With this, so the people can obtain what they need effortlessly.
Although there are several merits in the online shopping, this does not rule out the possibility that some demerits still include in. The citizens usually just take their order after several days since they have to wait until theirs arrive. For instance, after they order some stuff on the internet and pay it, they cannot receive what they order directly, usually it takes until for a day even a week depends on the distance where they buy it. Another case like internet fraud which has become a popular issue at present, a great deal of people lost their cash because they bought on the unverified websites. So, they have to make it clear and verified the trade sites before buying goods.
To sum up, in the modern era, people cannot get rid of the internet which it can make them simply particularly in the trading. Furthermore, they have to be aware of what they do, thanks to some criminals.
Irfan, while your introduction is good, it lacks a representation of the disadvantage discussion that you will be presenting in the essay. Don't forget that the opening statement will be the basis of your continuing discussions. As an overview, it is the guide by which the examiner can judge your discussion skills. So when you present some advantage scenarios in your overview, balance it out with disadvantage points as well. Then you can expand upon those discussions in the next paragraphs. If you opt to revise the essay, please address that point.
In the second paragraph, please try to develop the idea of online comparison shopping a little more. You mention a specific website and the existence of numerous online sellers. Explain how this type of comparison shopping has more advantages than going to the mall. You already imply the idea, just develop it further. That type of comparison discussion serves to show your ability to completely represent and defend your thoughts in English. That is sure to impress the reviewer.
Remember that there is an advantage to discussing only one reason per discussion side. It allows for the complete development and accurate defense of your opinion. I would have rather just read a completely accurate discussion of one disadvantage to online shopping than reading just overview points as you presented here. One strong opposition carries more weight that 6 under developed examples of responses.
As for your conclusion, you needed to work on your summarization skills. It kind of deviated from the advantage and disadvantage prompt. You instead said that people cannot live without the internet. That is not va relevant thought since it doesn't relate to the prompt.
I would like to help you some of your essay.
The first sentence you use the word improvement, but I think the word order makes it unclear. You could state that using the internet has provided an alternative way to shop. Then you would begin the next sentence with: "People are buying what they need..."
The last sentence needs to be corrected: "In this case, I strongly believe that even though there are several advantages like citizens people can gain products easily by shopping online, but there is a drawback to this shopping activity."
2nd paragraph: I would like to suggest using "people" and avoiding citizens and inhabitants. It can be confusing to the reader to use the other terms.
You can delete everytime and replace it with "at any time". You can delete via . I'm unsure about the next sentence because it mentions trade website and products. Here is a suggestion: Without exception in the "They can look for products which is every person can open the and search trade websites." You can add more details in the next sentence. Do you mean that a product name has to be typed?
"For example, if an individual wants to obtain information regarding how to buy a smartphone, he or she can visit the site XXXXX to find a wide range of sellers of mobile phones." (Since you used individual, you should use he or she)
The last sentence you can use the word "site". Here is a suggestion: "With this site, so the people can obtain what they need effortlessly".
You need more to your conclusion to help you have a better summary. Remember to think about your examples and your introduction before you revise your conclusion.
I hope this helps you!
Thank you very much all contributors, @ vangiespen & @ lcturn87, your suggestions really helpful me.
-Particularly, in shopping which they prefer to buy what they need such uslike clothes, groceries even air ticket via online.
