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Your career must compliment yourself; Career Choice


kendra 4 / 2  
Feb 21, 2007   #1
Hi, This is an essay I just wrote after recieving a prompt and I would appreciate any suggestions. I am trying to prepare myself as best as possible for the SAT and ACT. thank you.

As I grow older I begin to face important decisions, above all the choice of a career. In this decision many factor weigh, including payment, personal talents and job market acceptance. The more I ponder these, the more I realize one thing: Your career must compliment yourself.

One's job should be the continuation of his or her passion. Studies show that those who genuinely enjoy their profession are more probable candidates for promotions. These employee's are the ones who believe in themselves and in the cause they work for. Hence, their work is less likely to exhaust and drain them. It can even be a source of renewal and strength.

However, too many times that is not true. And the career choice comes from family pressure or financial motives rather than personal talent evaluation. This commonly results in an unsatisfied professional who is less likely to evolve within the company.

One's career choice is of utmost importance for it will define the future of that individual. The decision should take into great consideration one's personal desires and aptitudes. This will result in a healthy citizen with a passion-driven profession.

aznpoo 7 / 23  
Feb 21, 2007   #2
It is pretty organize and neat. More metaphor and imagery could help to bring out your essay.
This is your thesis "Your career must compliment yourself." Prove it! This is very arugable, becuase there are some people in the world that have a career (job) that they dislike, but still going at it, due to the benefits. It's a good thesis!

I was taught to not to use "I" in a sentence, it is much safer. You can use "I" but it is a bit risky.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Feb 22, 2007   #3
Greetings!

I'd be happy to help!

"In this decision many factor weigh" is not proper grammatical construction. How about "There are many factors involved in deciding on a career ..."

"The more I ponder these, the more I realize one thing: Your career must compliment yourself." - after a colon, don't use a capital letter: "your"; also, better would be "your career must complement who you are." Notice the spelling.

"employee's" - Never use an apostrophe to make a plural. (This is one of my pet peeves; it's becoming an epidemic!) - "employees"

Make these two sentences into one: "However, too many times that is not true, and the career choice comes from family pressure or financial motives rather than personal talent evaluation."

"The decision should take into great consideration" - I think "careful consideration" would be better.

It's a very good essay! Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP kendra 4 / 2  
Feb 22, 2007   #4
thank you both :)


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