"Cause and effect of studying abroad" This is my IELTS task 2 (recommendations and band score)

students' education overseas

Nowadays, studying in developed countries is becoming increasingly prevalent and being considered as a matter of great concern to a large number of students in the recent years. Therefore, valuating precisely the two aspects of this tendency is an essential part of making decision that whether or not individuals should study abroad.

Experience and qualifications can be anticipated as major reasons because people tend to chase good things. The first reason is that studying in totally new environment allows individuals to have access to modern educational background. Therefore, learners can acquire intensive knowledge. For example, Germany can be deemed as country having the greatest education all over the world. Bringing this advantage to learners turns Germany into one of the greatest destinations for studying. Another reason is that the importance of qualification in the world full of competition. As the matter of fact, getting a valuable qualification, especially in developed countries, will give rise to improve career prospects and the opportunities for a higher salary. By ways of illustration, getting a degree in Germany will give individuals more chances than domestic degree, in Vietnam.

There are several consequences which can be attributed to this trend. The most transparent effect is that reduce in rate of learned workforce. It is obvious that almost students studying abroad is very intelligent people. As the case in point, champions in Olympia contest certainly win scholarship for studying in Australia and none of them has intention to work in Vietnam after their studies. Brain drain is conducive to reducing in high quality workforce in Vietnam. Nevertheless, it is undeniable that this issue will encourage domestic education to enhance to be more competitive.

In conclusion, authorities should analyze carefully what causes are and how it effects in domestic society in long-term to put an end to brain drain so as to attract talents.

Can you upload the full prompt, because it will help us to assess your essay more accurately.

Is this an opinion essay? if yes then there should be a thesis statement at the end of the introduction and conclusion.
You will also need to put more efforts into your conclusion as one sentence conclusion is not appropriate if you aim for an above average score.

The most transparent effect is that reduce in rate of learned workforce. A reduction?
Overall, with this kind of essay, I believe you can score around 7 or 7.5 band depending on the topics given to you.
Good work!

Andrew, you will have to disregard the score that you were given by Peter because the lack of original prompt information prevents the proper scoring of your written essay. You cannot expect to be given a score when we do not have any idea of the topic you are being asked to write about in comparison to your final written product. That is not done, ever, especially when you are given such a high score as Peter did without considering the basis of scoring of the merits of your writing in relation to the requirements. A score given simply for the sake of giving you a score, without considering your weaknesses in terms of the rubic qualifications will not help you improve your written skills for this test.

What I can tell immediately from your writing is that you are not informed about the proper formatting of the IELTS Task 2 essay. The required elements for each presentation is a 5 paragraph presentation with sentences numbering from 3-5 per paragraph alone. As you can see, you are under the requirement in the opening and closing statement and over the requirement for your body of paragraphs. This should be a 5 paragraph essay with one topic discussion per paragraph. You have to learn to fully explain yourself in informative and moderately long sentences. These should not be run on sentences either.

The 3 body paragraphs are your opportunity to fully explain your opinions or present your full discussions regarding the given topic. You did not accomplish that in this instance. Your 307 word essay also tells me that you did not time yourself when you wrote this. If you had timed yourself, you would have found yourself short on review and revision time for this essay, for which at least 5 minutes of the final testing time must be allotted.

Due to the lack of prompt statement, I will withhold scoring your essay. However, I expect you to take note of my general observations which will also have a direct effect on your final score in an actual test setting. If you come back and remember to post the complete prompt with the essay, and if you request to be scored then, I will definitely review your essay based on the scoring guidelines.