WRITING TASK 2 (CAUSE AND SOLUTION) - A LOTS OF HIGHLY QUALIFIED GRADUATES WITHOUT EMPLOYMENT

Hi everyone, please give me some advices to improve my writing. Thank you ^^

Topic:

IN MANY COUNTRIES TODAY THERE ARE MANY HIGHLY QUALIFIED GRADUATES WITHOUT EMPLOYMENT

WHAT FACTORS MAY HAVE CAUSED THIS SITUATION AND WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION, CAN/ SHOULD BE DONE ABOUT IT?

In recent years, there are lots of people who do not have jobs in spite of the graduations of excellent qualifications. However, I do believe that there are many factors contribute to this problem and some solutions are suggested to rectify this situation

To tackle the problem, we should concentrate on the causes of this issue. First of all, the number of people who are finding jobs increases in these days, so they need to be competitive with each other. If there are one hundred applicants and only one of them is hired, it could cause the problem of unemployment for the others. In addition, the individuals having experience and social skills would have higher opportunities to apply for the jobs than the students who have just graduated without work experience. For example, there are many universities which focus on widening knowledge and theories instead of helping students get used to with what they would do in the future. Therefore, less of them have chance to work on their social skills and approach future careers. Thus, this is the problem that many countries should pay attention to and find ways to solve it.

There are some solutions are suggested for this issue. In term of the educational conditions, the schools should help students develop communication skills in order to get used to with job interviews after graduating. And, the students should be encouraged to have part-time jobs while they are studying to have more experiences. However, the most important factor to tackle this problem is how these students improve themselves before applying for the jobs. They need to prepare knowledge, social skills and be positive in order to prove their efforts to the employers who could hire them.

In conclusion, there are many factors cause this problem, despite some suggested solutions, I believe that the most essential suggestion for this problem is how students improve themselves after graduating and finding jobs.

Were you able to complete this essay within 40 minutes? You wrote 321 words. While it will be possible for you to complete that word count within the CBT test, it will not assure you of a passing score if you do not pay attention to the correcting of errors within your given essay. Simple cases like not having the 3-5 sentence word count per paragraph, errors in spelling, conciseness, and vocabulary that remain uncorrected, all add up to point deductions for your presentation.

Your opening paraphrase is not really acceptable because you failed to respond to the questions provided, which were to help the examiner determine your skills in relation to English response skills. The questions you respond to with a quick and simple reference response helps the examiner determine the level of your English understanding skills.

You are wasting time with the use of long introductions to your actual topic per paragraph. Always keep the paragraphs short and direct. Use topic sentences based on the original response you gave. There are 2 questions, so use each topic sentence to start each expanded discussion paragraph. That way you do not waste word count and also, you focus on the C&C scoring requirements. Short and clear discussions score best.

In your second paragraph, the more appropriate response is the second cause presentation. You should have used that immediately instead of as a second reference. That is because the second reason in the paragraph is the better developed explanation. Avoid the use of conjunctions as a sentence starter. That is wrong grammar as that is always used as a word connector so it is useless as the start of the sentence.

Your solutions paragraph could use better development. The discussions are lacking in justification and evidence. So the presentation of the reasoning is unclear and a bit difficult for the reader to consider due to its lack of proper presentation and thought development.

@Holt Thanks for your comment ^^ I'll try to improve it !!