Causes of a rising tendency of youngsters committing crimes in large cities. What can be done?

Crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities.

Cause and Solution?

In modern society, there is a rising tendency of youngsters committing crimes in large cities around the world. There are several reasons for this reality and it is of great importance to implement practical solutions to tackle this issue.

This situation stems from various causes. One of the major factors leading to the degradation in the young's moral is the environment in which they live and grow up. If children are nurtured in an unwholesome neighborhood and expose to bad individuals, their mindset and characteristics can be severely affected, hence gradually shaping their behaviors in a negative way. Another root of young people becoming criminals is the relationship among family members as well as the care from their parents. In the hustle and bustle of major cities, many parents do not have much time for their offsprings due to the heavy workload and excessive working hour. Therefore, their children are not under their supervisor and can be enticed to develop criminal actions.

Carrying out solutions to improve the situation is an urgent task. An effective method to be applied is raising children's awareness through education. It is recommendable to have lessons about social issues and adjust the young's behaviors, thus providing them with adequate knowledge to realize what are detrimental and illegal to do as well as preventing themselves from becoming wrongdoers. In addition, it is necessary for parents to arrange their work and spend more time with their children. Since parents are the closest people to their offsprings, having time listening to their thought and giving advice to them is a practical way to protect them from committing crimes.

In conclusion, the reality of young people increasingly becoming criminals can be explained by some factors. However, as long as the causes are identified, the society and their family need to take steps to alleviate this situation.

The paraphrasing attempt of the writer is definitely successful. It stayed focused on the topic without adding or removing information and shows that the vocabulary knowledge is intermediate enough to warrant a good LR score. However, the task accuracy was limited in consideration since there were no clear responses to the 2 questions posed. The summary response is really an important score boost in that section.

I do not understand why the writer felt the need to use 2 topic sentences at the start of the first reasoning paragraph. Redundancies lower the scores because the writer is deemed to be using sentence fillers to meet the word requirement. The paragraph is well explained and will benefit from the cohesive reasoning presentation.

Word usage in the essay is relatively acceptable as it does not confuse the reader. That is not to say the sentences are perfect though. Far from it, but the writer manages to write coherent sentences, which is the point of the explanatory paragraphs.

The conclusion summary is close enough to a good reverse paraphrase. It would have helped if the causes and solutions were summarized in the paragraph as well. Not to worry though. Even though it is 3 words short of the minimum 40 word requirement for the paragraph, it still works.