Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Cbest Essay - Memories are instruments that will teach us valuable lessons



elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Sep 15, 2009   #1
Hi,

I am reviewing for my Cbest and I read this kind of essay in one of the thread.
It inspired me to write my own essay. I hope someone can review it and send me a feedback especially how much grammatical errors I've committed.

Thanks

Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present and future, Support with reasons and examples.

Precious memories are fond to remember. While painful memories are hard to forget. I believe whether they are good or bad memories, they all teach us a valuable lessons in life.Memories allow us to learn from the past and succeed in our present and future lives. My friends and I had lots of wonderful and painful memories which inspired and guided us as we walk in our path of lives.

I love reading books and one of my favorite is Bo Sanchez. He is a preacher who wrote a bestselling book entitled "Your Past Does Not Define Your Future". His book taught me a very valuable lesson as he wrote "Whatever I have done on the past it may or may not define my future." It is our choice whether to let our life be entrapped in memories of the past. After reading his book, I choose to use joyful memories to inspire me and use hurtful memories to correct my mistakes and to move forward in life. For example, one of the most hurtful memory I can recall was during at the time my engagement was called off. My fiancee and I were both young and very passionate yet none of us was ready to take in responsibilities. We had several fights during our wedding preparation that led to a decision for us to break up. The break up snowballed into an avalanche of pain and humiliation. It was difficult for me to face everyone especially after sending out the wedidng invitations and paying our church/hotel reservations. However, I used this experience to warn me to be more careful in my succedding relationship. Now, I am happily married for 5 years with a better partner in life.

Even the Bible speaks about how to handle our past. In Isaiah it says "Dwell not on the things of the past, see the Lord is doing something new in your life". This verse was an inspiring message that I read when I failed in my job applications as a math teacher. I felt so depressed after not landing in the teaching job that I dreamt for so long. I was almost about to quit finding a job. After 2 years, I met new friends who inspired me to be a special education teacher. During my practicum as a sped teacher, my school director offered me my first teaching job as a sped teacher. Have I given up easily I would have not been in the teaching academe by now.

I was in awe on how my friend handled a very painful memory in her life. She grew up in a broken family living with her grandparents after she got physically abused by her stepdad. Amidst her difficult circumstances in life, she did not let the pains be a hurdle to stop her from building her own family. Each time I ask her how she manage to handle herself, her reply would be "Just think positive and never let the pain stop you from dreaming". Two years after, she graduated from college, live independently and got married. Now, she is happily married with his husband for 10 years. She used her painful experience to nurture her 2 year old son and provided him with all the love she can give.

Indeed, memories are instruments that will teach us valuable lessons. It is like a treasure box where we place our old stuff to cherish. At the time we recall old things in life, we open it and cherish the memories we had in life. It will be bring inspiration and guidance for us to look for see present life positively and aspire for a brigther future.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Sep 15, 2009   #2
While painful memories are hard to forget.

This is a sentence fragment.

Whatever I have done on the past it may or may not define my future.

This isn't a valuable lesson, but a tautology. A weatherman who told you that it may or may not rain tomorrow would not deserve high praise, and neither does the self-help guru spouting similar bull excrement.

After 2 years, I met new friends who inspired me to be a special education teacher.

What does your teaching experience have to with memories, exactly? There are connections you could make, but you don't actually do so here.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Sep 15, 2009   #3
Even the Bible speaks about how to handle our past. In Isaiah it says "Dwell not on the things of the past, see the Lord is doing something new in your life".

If you are or will be teaching in public schools, you may want to demonstrate your ability to make arguments without reference to religious beliefs shared by only a subset of people.

After reading his book, I choose to use joyful memories to inspire me and use hurtful memories to correct my mistakes and to move forward in life.

You change tenses mid-sentence here, starting in past tense ("after reading...") but then using a present tense verb ("I choose..."). Your tense wobbles throughout the essay. You need to be able to demonstrate the ability to write in the appropriate tense (past, present, or future). Attend to this carefully when writing your CBEST essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / Cbest Essay - Memories are instruments that will teach us valuable lessons
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳