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Cbest Essay - Person Most Instrumental in Shaping Your Life



elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Sep 15, 2009   #1
Hi

I need help with my essay. Thanks a lot.

Some students can look back in their years in school and pinpoint one particular course or one particular teacher most instrumental in shaping their lives. Reflect on your own years and focus on one such instructor or course. Describe the conditions or qualities that made that particular experience or teacher special.

People often asked me, "Who was the person that inspired you to be a teacher?" I immediately replied, "Oh, he is Dr. Albert, my college math professor." His real name is Dr. Albert but my college friends are fond of calling him Mr. Mathematician. He was my college professor for two semesters. He taught tough subjects like Advanced Statistics and Advanced Calculus. Now, you have an idea why we called him Mr. Mathematician. For me, he was Mr. Awesome as he touched my life magnanimously. He had a great impact in my life for being an exceptionally smart person, a fantastic joker and conversationalist as well as a dedicated teacher.

He was the smartest among all my professors. He graduated with a Doctorate Degree in Mathematics at Harvard University. Nowadays, we barely meet someone who excels in Mathematics, enjoys the subject and makes Math enjoyable for everyone. I reminished a difficult math problem which I could not comprehend. He noticed my tensed face and approached my desk . He gave me a pat to relax me for not catching up with the Math problem. He politely asked my seat mate to help me out. He ensured me that there is no reason to be embarassed. That incident gave me confidence to seek help and to speak up whenever I find math difficult.

What I liked best is his sense of humor. Have you seen someone crack math jokes in the middle of an exam. His jokes fill the room with laughter and lessen the tension. It made everyone relax and enjoy the day without worrying if we fail or pass the exam. Along with his sense of humor, he is also a good conversationalist. I remembered his unique teaching style, he begins his Math lesson with a 10 minute chat. He practically talks about everything from relationships, service to God, career path and even the latest fashion.

But above all, I have not met anyone that matches his dedication as a teacher. Since Math is a hard subject, he pulled up an extra remedial class for everyone. He was always available during our consulation hours from Mon-Fri. He freed up his Saturday afternoon voluntarily to conduct review sessions and extra problem solvings. He came up with the idea of conducting extra sessions, even when the school would not pay for his extra hours. Once, he told the class "The extra hours are voluntary; nobody is obliged to attend but it would help you a lot. All I wanted is to ensure that you learn something and hopefully pass the exam." Indeed, everyone in class ensured their presence since we knew we will learn much from him.

I will always give back Dr. Albert the credit due to him. He motivated me to pursue my course. The idea of teaching Math for me was something vague during my childhood. But because of his examples, I became a Math teacher and valued my job as a teacher. For me, he was truly a role model with his exceptional intelligence, good sense of humor and dedication as a teacher. A teacher like him deserves a big applause for shaping students' lives.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Sep 15, 2009   #2
Not bad. You need to polish your grammar a bit.

he walk through my desk

Yikes! He's a ghost! One being described using incorrectly conjugated verbs. The very worst type of ghost.

His jokes fills the room

Pay attention to simple subject-verb agreement.

I vividly remember that he was the only professor who begins his math lesson

And to tense consistency. Either he is the only professor who does that, or he was the only one who did so.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Sep 15, 2009   #3
We all met someone who had inspired us in our walk of life.

Strike this banal and pointless statement.

He was my college professor for two semester and he taught tough subjects like Advanced Statistics and Advanced Calculus.

This is a run on sentence. If you must link these two ideas together, place a comma after "semester." But you really ought to break this into two sentences.
OP elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Nov 13, 2009   #4
Hi,

I am revising my essay to improve my punctuation, tense transition and grammar much better. Can someone send me feedback so are my weak points.

Btw shld Math be capitalized or not? I was having doubts with this part.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 14, 2009   #5
This is a great essay, all except for... the entire first paragraph. I say scrap the first para and start with this:

Dr. Albert was the smartest among all my professors. He graduated with a Doctorate Degree in Mathematics at Harvard University. Nowadays, we barely meet someone who excels in Mathematics, enjoys the subject...
OP elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Nov 16, 2009   #6
thanks will keep in mind your comments.


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