The essay for CBEST about a rejection or defeat

my essay I am preparing for CBEST. I failed the test twice.

At some point in our lives, all of us have faced some sort of rejection or defeat. Write an essay about a time in your life when you experienced such a rejection. How did the rejection affect you?

a sad recollection from the past

I had those occasions in my life few times when I felt defeated by rejection. The one that really sticks with me up until now, the painful memories and the joy and pride. It was the time when I decided to be a teacher. I enjoy the company of children so much, that I came to know by raising my own children.

I every day learn something new from my children. They are being young, have a different perspective on most of the things then grown-ups. Which sometimes make me pause and wonder the newness or uniqueness of the idea. Also, I learned the determination, persistence, motivation, and ability to love unconditionally. I realize what could be more rewarding than being a teacher.

I started finding out, how to become a teacher. I had my Masters degree so in order to teach, I have to take CBEST exam first and then complete some certifications and licensing exam. But the first step was CBEST. It had three sections Math, Reading, and Writing. I started to update my math and reading abilities, I passed both sections in the first trial. Then I prepared for writing as everyone was saying it can be the hardest portion for non-native speakers. I took everyone's suggestions and prepared. Now, it was the day of examination. I had some apprehensions but my confidence was strong. I took the test and wrote with my best ability on two topics which were given to me.

Now is the waiting period for the results. I was sure I will pass, therefore I even started looking for jobs and thinking about applying. After two weeks, results were sent through the emails. I opened my email with mixed emotions, and I was stunned to see that I scored 33 marks. I needed 37 to pass the test. I could not believe at first then checked the comments to see why I could not pass, what were mistakes I made. It stated that Usage, Structure, and convention needs improvement. I just could not discuss anything with anyone that day. My emotions were shattered, I felt I would not be able to pass since I mentioned before I gave my 100 percent for the writing. Soon in a day or two, I accepted that it was not 100 percent otherwise results would be different. There is a need for improvement and also in the process, there will be no harm I will even learn more.

Finally, I registered for next test date which was in three months. This time I took help from those who are in teaching and has experience, in other words, I received professionals guidance. After experiencing the failure my confidence was not that strong like the first time, I was nervous on the day of examination. Again, I wrote in my best ability on both the topics. After the exam, I felt relieved and started hoping again for the future and jobs. This time I passed the exam. I have no words that can describe the joy.

At the end, I felt that If I would not take the test again I would have the memory of defeat and rejection in my mind for rest of the life. Now I have learned the lesson that one should always try few times before giving up so they can establish their self-esteem again which is shattered by rejection.

nilakshi, I am going to have to be straight with you about the quality of your writing in this CBEST essay, it cannot score higher than a 1. That is the only score that can be given to this essay because of several reasons:

1. All the paragraphs lack cohesiveness and cohesion.
2. The presentation is seriously flawed all the ideas remain unclear and ineffective.
3. There are confusing details in the essay such as you making a claim that you passed the CBEST on your second take and yet you have just told me that you failed this test twice. So this will be the third take which means you have not passed the CBEST twice right?

4. Your word choice is often incorrect which shows that you need more work or more classes as an ESL. Your grammar problems are numerous enough for me to believe that you need to further improve your English skills before you attempt to take the test a 3rd time.

5. You have serious difficulty in sentence development , mechanical conventions, and paragraph presentations. There is simply a lack of clarity and accuracy in your paragraph presentations.

I will however, commend you on properly understanding the prompt and trying to deliver an appropriate response. The problem, is that you are incapable of properly putting together an understandable English sentence / paragraph at this point. You will do well to attend more English language classes starting at the beginner level so that you can fully understand the rudiments of English sentence and thought development prior to your attempting to use the language in written form. The only paragraph that was properly developed in this essay are numbers 3 and 4. Since those are your strongest presentations, you should think about what you did that resulted in the clarity of thought and message located in those paragraphs.

Thank you @ Holt for giving feedback. I have not passed the CBEST test yet, but it's just for essay purpose I wrote since it really hurts when I get my result. I will try to write every day and post. I am looking for English tutor as well but it's very hard to find. I know ESL classes in library and places like that but I thought it's for those who can not speak English at all. I am so disappointed but will work hard.