Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Celebrities? I believe that the most essential in media is reporting about government in a country.



Wilyaftika23 46 / 31  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree


Nowadays, technology develop for all of aspects, especially media. All of kind of media is used for entertainment and share information. Now, media is more presenting about celebrities' lifestyle than others. Besides that, media must give more information about citizen in the country. I totally disagree because I believe that the most essential is media which should report about government in the country.

Celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers become a role model for young people in the world. Such as group band one direction. Many teenagers who have the same activity with one direction are very keen on to imitate their favourite group band such as what they wear to perform. It has negative and positive effect to the young people. So, media have to report about celebrities lifestyle because it is used to be roll model or it just has entertainment value for people who follow the media, such as television programmes or magazine.

However, media should give much information about citizen. Because their development is essential to know how many progress of country. For example, media surveyed about people condition after disaster such as earthquake in Pare. It can be used for other people in another place to give donations to help them. Therefore, media is more important to pay too much attention to live and relationship of ordinary people.

In another hand, the most essential is media investigation about the information of government. Because it can help people to know how the governments doing their job for country. For instance, media report about economic news. Hence, society know how the economic requirement exist in their country.

To sum up, reporting lifestyle of celebrities and citizens is more significant, but media must give actual information about government in the country.

Iforsa 35 / 52  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
Nowadays, technology develop for all of aspects, especially media.

... the definition of technology is the study and knowledge of) the practical, especially industrial, use of scientific discoveries while the definition of media isthe internet, newspapers, magazines, television, etc., considered as a group

Celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers become a role model ... Such as group band one direction.i think it is better if you make example for every occupation not only for singers.

However, media should give much information about citizen. Because their development is ...
we can use because in the beginning of a sentence by using( Because S +V, S + V) pattern.

To sum up, reporting lifestyle of celebrities and citizens is more significant, but media ...make conclusion at least two sentences.
Ilmi_03 47 / 67  
Oct 26, 2016   #3
Hello, Willy.
It is a nice thread :)
However, I have some suggestions for your writing.
Hopefully, it will be helpful.

Firstly, I am quite confused to follow your essay since you do not mark in paragraph form.
In the first paragraph, you state that "I totally disagree", but when it comes to your body paragraph, I found you are partially agree in which you discuss the essential of media to cover artists (1st paragraph) and the importance to report the government (2nd paragraph).

I see that you have two idea in the second paragraph, you just need to develop them and give more detailed explanations.
If you decide to utterly agree, then write your reasons on both paragraphs.

If you want to stay partially agree/disagree, you just need to give more touched in your entire essay, Willy.

Idea:Media have to report about celebrities lifestyle, such as famous actors, singers or footballers.
Reason: This is because famous artists are roll model for young people in the world.
Example: Taking an example of One Direction, a famous Western boy band, who was admired by many teenagers. Their fans are very keen on to imitate their favourite group band, such as what they wear to perform and their creativity to compose songs.

Result: This results in a number of their fans hard work in sharpening their talent in order to be the famous one.

Avoid to say It has negative and positive effect to the young people, go straight to mention the effects.
The more detailed your argument, the higher your score. :)
Faridadwi18 67 / 93  
Oct 26, 2016   #4
Hi Wily,

Nowadays, technology isdevelopedforin all of aspects, especially in media.
... celebrities' lifestyle than othersordinary people .

For example, media held a surveyed about people ...
In anotherOn the other hand, the most essential is ...
To sum up, reportingthe lifestyle of celebrities ...
- I think you need to make your thesis statement more specific.
- your first and second body do not answer the prompt well. In the third body you should explain why media should report ordinary people not about a risk of disaster in people. Catastrophe will affect all people, celebrities and ordinary people so you can't use that reason to explain body paragraph 2.


Hopefully it help.


Home / Writing Feedback / Celebrities? I believe that the most essential in media is reporting about government in a country.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳