IELTS TASK 2 : Sholud the media spend more time for reporting ordinary people lives

hallo, i need your help to check my essay..

The media pay much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Media advance effects significantly through human life horizon. For this reason, the majority of people contend that the media tend to give information with regard to the famous celebrities who are utterly attractive for society because plenty of artists are become as reference in to people's lifestyle. Although this is a great deal importance for media, I strongly believe that media also should report to much how living of ordinary people who have impressive experience in their life.

Nowadays, it is important that the media should publish information regarding artist's life and how experience they have because this can give satisfaction when people are curious with their figure. Taking MNCTV (one of media in Indonesia) as an example, the media recently release some of programmes concerning hot news, journey, and struggle of living celebrities. As a result, the people can take lesson from living other people especially from well-known celebrities. All in all, there is no doubt that reporting celebrities by media have influenced people's lives in many ways in their activities.

Conversely, I would argue that reporting ordinary people also render a different motivation through their journey, how they begin their career in the future. Obviously people obtain many experiences in their live when they struggle to get the success. For a pragmatic instance, Muhammad Kalend Osean, is founder of English village in Kediri, east Java. He dedicates himself over tens of year to teach society speaking English so this place becomes popular among students. Consequently, the people can take lesson about history of ordinary people who can make impressive experience. To conclude the media should pay attention and spend more time to report attractive history about local people, because can be taken as education of it and as essential part of intellectual development in the future.

As the solid statement above that although media should report some celebrities to citizens, I definitely agree that role of media in showing some histories with regard to attractive experience of ordinary people is the important in developing and knowledge of someone. When someone want to learn about educational life, it could be better for him to see a bright-future live up.

Overall, Your paragraph structure is good. I think you have to take more time revising your essay. Also, for this paragraph, I think you should have restated your arguments in the paragraph because they are not so clear in the previous paragraphs. I made some corrections. I hope you find them helpful.

-Media advance effects significantly through human life horizon what do you mean ?

-the majority of people contend that the media tendtends to give
information

-with regard to the famous I think "regarding or "about" are better.

-utterly attractive forin society

-because plenty of artists are becomeing as a reference in to people's lifestyle

-Although this is of a great deal importance for media,

-media also should report to much how living ofabout ordinary people who have impressive experience in their life.

paragraph 2:


Do u think it is important? or does the professionals in media sector think so? if the latter is the case then u should write "It is important for the media to publish"

-howwhat experience they have because this can give satisfaction whensatisfy people who are curious with about their figure.

-and the struggle of living celebrities

- the people can take (a) lesson from living other peoplefrom other people's lives or just from their lives

-in their activities u don't have to write this after writing "in many ways"

-He dedicatesd

-tens of year I think there's no such expression. You may use "dozens of years".

-To conclude(write a comma here)

-As the solid statement above that although media should I think you should have written a comma between "that" and "although"

-I can't understand the second sentence in the final paragraph.

I think your intro is too complicate although your idea is good supporting. viewers can be tired from the beginning.