Overall, Your paragraph structure is good. I think you have to take more time revising your essay. Also, for this paragraph, I think you should have restated your arguments in the paragraph because they are not so clear in the previous paragraphs. I made some corrections. I hope you find them helpful.
-Media advance effects significantly through human life horizon
what do you mean ?
-the majority of people contend that the media
-with regard to the famous
I think "regarding
-because plenty of artists are becom
to people's lifestyle
-Although this is of
importance for media,
-media also should report
to much how living ofabout
ordinary people who have impressive experience in their life.
it is important that the media
Do u think it is important? or does the professionals in media sector think so? if the latter is the case then u should write "It is important for the media to publish"
experience they have because this can
give satisfaction whensatisfy
about their figure.
struggle of living celebrities
people can take (a)
lesson from living other peoplefrom other people's lives
or just from their lives
-in their activities
u don't have to write this after writing "in many ways"
tens of year
I think there's no such expression. You may use "dozens of years".
-To conclude(write a comma here)
-As the solid statement above that although media should
I think you should have written a comma between "that" and "although"
-I can't understand the second sentence in the final paragraph.