Unanswered [6] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 3

IELTS writing task 2: Celebrities must have wonderful lives.


PeterBrown 6  
Jan 10, 2018   #1
Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree?

To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?


the real life of a vip



Many people these days wish to be famous, and many of them are willing to do anything to fulfill this wish. However, most of them are not aware of the fact that popularity comes at a price: although famous people may make a fortune, they pay a high price for being popular. Therefore, I agree with the statement regarding famous people being unsatisfied with their lives for two reasons: loneliness and privacy.

First of all, it is extremely difficult for celebrities to befriend somebody, resulting in them being alone. This is not at all surprising, considering that most people who want to be their friends are most likely those that want to take advantage of them to become well-known themselves. The majority of celebrities know this and thus, they usually avoid making friends, which is depressing. A plethora of Korea K-pop stars, for example, have admitted suffering from depression several times on TV, but most of them try to hide it from their fans; otherwise, their fans may become too worried about their idols' lives.

Apart from being lonely, their privacy is non-existent; no matter where they go, paparazzi will always stalk and harass them verbally. This is not a type of life in which anyone would want to live, including celebrities - a life without privacy. To illustrate, John, one of my friends who is known for his songs, constantly complains about his fans and paparazzi taking photos of him and his girlfriend indulging their meals together. Consequently, living as a famous person has its own drawbacks as well.

It can be seen that living as a well-known person is certainly an arduous journey. These people pay a high price for being popular. These problems will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Hence, most celebrities definitely do not have a type of life that most individuals picture them to.

In conclusion, despite the fact that they are earning a huge amount of money, their lives are not as perfect as most people think they are. Not only are their lives friendless, but they are also non-private, causing their lives to be undesirable to the vast majority of people. I therefore, agree that a number of celebrities is living a miserable life.
congviec18 1  
Jan 11, 2018   #2
Hi there
I feel that the subject in this sentence is not clear "despite the fact that they (celebrities) are earning ..."

And I think the veb in this sentence should be "are" not "is" celebrities is living a miserable life.
Holt [Contributor] 1542  
Jan 11, 2018   #3
Peter, your opening paraphrase is not aligned with the original prompt even though the rest of your discussion is on point. This will result in a tangential discussion and lower your TA score, which means that you will pass this test, but not at an above average score. You will merely pass, that is all. Your prompt would have been more on the mark had you rephrased it as follows:

Popular personalities tend to amass a high degree of disposable income. Such wealth allows them to enjoy the high life. However, it is believed that their material wealth often causes them to live gloomy lives. I tend to agree with this statement. I will be pleased to discuss with you why these types of people tend to pay a high price for public adulation in the following paragraphs.

You may want to rethink using your friends as examples in this type of essay because your friends are not known to the examiner so their connection to the prompt will be lost on the examiner. It would be better to use more public figures such as Hollywood actors or commonly known pop singers and celebrities. Using K-Pop celebrities isn't as effective as the mainstream celebrities because K-Pop is a niche industry whose participants are not as internationally known as you might think.

Since this is an opinion essay, you should be using a sense of ownership of the statements being made throughout the paper, not just in one paragraph. Use the first person pronouns as often as you can in each paragraph to remind the examiner that you are not discussing popular opinion or information but rather, your personal insight on the given topic.

Your concluding paragraph is not an accurate summary of the preceding discussion so this will drag down your TA score. You should not continue discussing the topic in the concluding paragraph. Remember that. It appears that you did that in this instance even though you appropriately repeat your opinion at the end of the paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Celebrities must have wonderful lives.