Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


Being a celebrity has plenty of benefits than downsides



dil77 4 / 9  
May 11, 2014   #1
Existence of famous people is not a new phenomenon. The fame, these people have gather around them solely because their outstanding abilities in their fields and, compared to the early days, it can be seen celebrities in abundance at the present due to various reasons. It is felt that the people with fame benefit with more pros than cons. This position will be supported by the affluence they have gathered and how the life they enjoy with mush more spirit.

Firstly, wealth the celebrities have acquired is very much higher than compared to the other people. For instance, monthly revenue of a prominent professional is lower to that of a famous musician or actor, commonly without proper educational background. Apart from their main profession this group earns extra income commonly by appearing in promoting goods and services which are another very profitable business and, again that is not available to others. It is also, hard to see any narrowing this gap. Thus, it is easy to see the financial gain that celebrities enjoy is abundance.

In addition to that, pleasing life which famous people experience is simply not achievable for many ordinaries. For instance, look at the cheer they frequently receive in public appearances and the nice spirit they show in these occasions. Were they having not such fame; they will not receive such receptions. As this shows, pleasure these people acquire due their fame is numerous.

After looking at the above, it is seen that, being a celebrity has plenty of benefits than downsides. It is also assumed this advantageous position is going to exits into a foreseeable future.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
May 11, 2014   #2
Existence of famous people is not a new phenomenon.

... well, this is not a strong hook. You need to open your essay with a hook (opening statement) that has the ability to grab your reader's attention. So, the hook needs to be catchy, interesting and most importantly relevant to your topic because hook should provide a great entrance to your essay. This particular sentence lacks those qualities to qualify to be a good hook.
OP dil77 4 / 9  
May 11, 2014   #3
so why don't you give a good suggation
Pahan 1 / 1824  
May 14, 2014   #4
Alright :D ... What I gave you in my previous post is also a suggestion ....lol ....let's do a model intro for you;
Many people dream of becoming a celebrity (hook) However, being a celebrity is not always advantages and there are many issues that come along with fame. (background) Although celebrities have got to face such challenges, especially with regard to their privacy, I believe the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh the disadvantages (thesis statement)
OP dil77 4 / 9  
May 14, 2014   #5
thanks, and how is the rest of the essay
dumi 1 / 6795  
May 15, 2014   #6
Firstly, wealth the celebrities have acquired is very much higher than compared to the other people. For instance, monthly revenue of a prominent professional is lower to that of a famous musician or actor, commonly without proper educational background. Apart from their main profession this group earns extra income commonly by appearing in promoting goods and services which are another very profitable business and, again that is not available to others. It is also, hard to see any narrowing this gap. Thus, it is easy to see the financial gain that celebrities enjoy is abundance.

... ok, let's do this para according to the approach I suggested;
First, the celebrities are generally very rich. Since money makes a big difference in quality of life, the celebrities are very fortunate to lead luxurious lives that other ordinary people even cannot dream of. For example, most of the Hollywood movie starts own ranches and islands while an average professional cannot even think of acquiring such properties during their entire life.


Home / Writing Feedback / Being a celebrity has plenty of benefits than downsides
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳