task 2 ielts - celebrity's privacy; should every rumour of the famous be published by media?

Hi! I am practising on ielts and I got this prompt
The prompt says : Some people believe that media should not be allowed to publish information about the private lives of famous people .Others say that everybody has right to keep privacy and this practise must be controlled or even stooped. Discuss both views

celebrities popularity and their presence in media

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about private lives of famous people. People have different views that information of the famous should be published by media .While some people argue that everyone has a right keeping their privacy. I believe that people should be respected to keep their own privacy.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that media should announce information of renowned people. Audience needs to enlighten for what well-known people narrate on stage. For example, when a lot of charity programs have been produced, a lot of celebrities take part in, helping the poor. However, that they are doing for what purpose is not obvious .Because, they really have compassion for the poor or they did that for their own reputation. Therefore, spectators need to know the truth for their gratification. Moreover, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media. They are dependent on each other to exist. Famous people need media to spread their reputation , media needs to publish celebrity's information because that is their job. While there are beneficial for multi-side, it is fascinating to say that the pros outweigh

In spite of these arguments, I believe that everybody should have right to keep their own privacy. Some self-made celebrities do not want to be misunderstood that they have used their own private life to achieve fame. Selena Gomez is a girl who is truly successful in her chosen field, stuck in affair scandal with Justin Bieber. After that, by applying herself to develop real skill and abilities, she has made a lot of achievements. So terrible are the media does not concern about it. What they try to do is exploits her past, her affair and puts it gossip magazines. Consequently it insults them. Some celebrities may put on a brave front but inside they are really anxious and fearful. Do not do that for your own benefit and push people down

To conclusion, although it might seem sensible for media to publish information about private lives of famous people, as long as I personally prefer
media should no increase an access to exploit celebrity's privacy

Personally , I think that you're quite competent at using Transitional Words to describe your ideas (e.g. therefore, consequently, furthermore)
No spelling errors found ! However , Your sentence length is below average. You may need to focus on writing more complex sentences.

... people are concerned about the private lives of famous people.
... views that information about the famous -> notable individuals should be published by media .While some people argue that [...] respected to keep their own privacy. -> The meaning of this statements really confuses me

...............
Moreover, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media. -> great vocab

In spite of these arguments...

-> The ideas of this paragraph seem not to be well described despite the fact that it's quite relevant to the point and easy to expand,

To, are you sure that you copied the prompt requirement properly for your essay? The reason that I ask is that the prompt requirement you were given discusses the same point in two different ways. Therefore, there is no supporting and opposing view to be discussed. The sentiment that the press must not be allowed to publish the private lives was said twice. I believe that the opposing view should have been indicated in the essay in order to create the correct prompt instruction. Since this essay has been discussed before in this forum, I would like you to refer to the correct prompt:

Some people believe that media (such as newspapers) should be allowed to publish information about the private life of people. Others say that people have a right to privacy and the issue must be controlled or even stopped. Discuss both views.

Prompt issues aside, I have to point out that your essay is very badly developed. You have incomplete sentences and stressful sentences that do not allow the reader to accurately get an idea as to the message you are trying to convey. That is why I do not want to score this essay at the moment. I want to be sure that you are responding properly to the prompt and that you have the chance to revise your essay to be more prompt adherent if necessary.

Keep in mind, you are discussing a personal opinion when the prompt is simply asking you to discuss both point of views. Therefore, if this essay were to be scored, it would most likely get a 0 because you did not manage to discuss the essay based on the prompt requirements. You were to only discuss both sides, without offering your own judgement. A third person point of view discussion was required.

@Holt
I have mistake when I was typing . The complete prompt is Some people believe that media should be allowed to publish information about the private life of people. Others say that people have a right to privacy and the issue must be controlled or even stopped. Discuss both views.

To, try to not type the prompt into the box. That is usually how these mistakes occur. Whenever possible, cut and paste the prompt from the original source. Or, even better, upload a scan of the prompt page. That way you can avoid confusion or misstating the requirements of the essay task. Regardless of the prompt requirement, my analysis of your work still stands. The same errors still exist and need to be corrected. Make sure that you take note of the final prompt instruction regarding how you are expected to discuss the prompt prior to writing the essay. If you are uncertain, ask your instructor first. That is assuming that you are enrolled in IELTS classes. There are various ways of responding to these essays. It is not always an opinion essay so you have to be sure that you present the correct point of view in your presentation.