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IELTS; Certain professionals are not paid well for their services; Do you agree?



erni 1 / -  
May 18, 2013   #1
Hello,
I'm here to seek for your correction in my essay, would you mind to have a look?

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work they do. How do you agree?

It's true that workers like nurses, doctors and teacher have played a significant role in society and are likely to contribute more compared to those famous phenomena like sports professionals and superstars. However, a survey has carried out that a popular superstar earns more money a year than either a doctor or a teacher who seems to have enormous contribution to this world. Therefore, many people have argued that the huge sum of money to either a well-known actor or a successful entrepreneur is out of proportion to the importance in the work they do. Nevertheless, I disagree with this opinion.

It's undeniable that doctors have put a lot of concerns on their patients' health and sometimes, probably they still need to wake up in the middle night to deal with some emergencies. Their hard works are immeasurable. Moreover, they save people's lives, and they often bring people back from the death. It's clear that a figure like doctor is honorable, and it makes them worth to be paid. However, at the same time, we often heard of many doctors with bad reputations. Some of them have two different personalities. In one hand, they look kind and friendly in front of their patients, on the other hand; they are often blinded by a huge sum of money. Furthermore, they tend to betray their patients and sometimes; they even don't want to take a crucial surgery without a clear payment from their patients. These cases are commonly happened in my own country. Nevertheless, I won't judge that every doctor or other workers like teacher and police are unprofessional as some of them have proven to be very responsible in their jobs and have good rewards from government.

In my opinion, what makes sports professionals to be paid more is due to their provable abilities in live competition show. Moreover, their victories mean so much to a country, and needless to say, they influence many people all over the world to live their lives in a healthier way. In addition, a successful actor has also given a lot of entertainments and laughers to many spectators. Therefore, doubtless they are excellent models in shaping our lives. Although, there may be some bad rumors of them in the media, however, it's undeniable that their pleasant images on television are more influential in us. That's why they deserve a better paid because their good images are not only a pride to a country but also a good motivation for people all over the world.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jun 16, 2013   #2
It's true that workers like nurses, doctors and teacher have played a significant role in society

.... this has happened and still continue to happen. So write it in present tense;
It is true that certain professionals like nurses, doctors and teachers play a very significant role in society.

Moreover, their victories mean so much to a country, and needless to say, they influence many people all over the world to live their lives in a healthier way.

Moreover, their victorious achievement bring so much glory to their nation and needless to say, they inspire many lives around the world with their special qualities and capabilities.

Therefore, doubtless they are excellent models in shaping our lives.

Therefore, with out any doubt, these people are excellent role models who influence the lives of many of us.


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