The Challenge of Starting Introductory Writing, Will You Address Some Suggestions?

Hello fellow writers, please examined my following writing-practices regarding to an introductory essay for IELTS.

Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
Answer
In every day demand, plenty of commodities are manufactured in certain nations and exported away to other part of the world in fulfilling the needs of international business. While it is generally accepted that international trade plays the most significant roles to the country's economical growth, I would stand to propose my declination that such policy may issue more deterioration than its advantages.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.Answer
In some part of the world, there are several youngster involved in particular jobs. There are therefore some people value it as a mistake, while some regard it as rewarding professional experience. As such, I will discuss both perspectives in the following paragraphs.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer
Non-profit organisation roles ideally adopted as middle school obligatory services. While social engagement is pivotal to develop in return for acquaring social quotient from school. I would stand on the proponent side to support as such policy due to the following reasons.

Hi Yusuf,

Here's my analysis towards your IELTS introduction practices.

Question 1:
- Well-done! This is an outstanding introduction. You've properly written all necessary points clearly. You have used sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision. Keep up the good work for this one! :)

Question 2:
- Instead of writing this "As such, I will discuss both perspectives in the following paragraphs." , it is better to state the reason in brief why paid work for children is completely wrong, or why it is valuable. Avoid creating a similar introduction like this one, I do really like your first introduction rather than this one.

Question 3:
- I would stand on the proponent side to support as such policy due to the following reasons.(what reasons? another unclear stance/position. If you keep doing this, your essay will not be able to reach 6 or above) Remember, clear overall-progression (the outline of your thesis statement) is one of the criteria for band 6.

That's it Yusuf, I hope this helps. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance. Good luck :)

Hello Mr Ichan,

Thank you very much for such bright suggestions. I do really need bunch of feedbacks from different "well- experienced IELTSer" here.

Well sir, in writing I usually find it confusing to fulfil the task achievement for some tasks. I am heading to practice the body now, yet I must admit that I still can't clearly define how far I should state my stance in introduction.

"Discuss both opinions and give your opinion" and "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" for instance.

Somehow it sounds flexible instruction to me.
So sir for such question how far the thesis statement should I develop?

And also because I still find it difficult to manage my 20 minutes, I mostly state general statement in opening while I strive to satisfy the task achievement. Thus, what piece of advices that I can get relating to this?

Thanks in advance!