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Change in town - the alteration of Stokeford village in 1930 and 2010.


septyndid 1 / 1  
Mar 27, 2017   #1
The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons were relevant.

describing changes in stokeford



The map illustrates about the changes of Stokeford village in 1930 and 2010. It can be seen that in 1930, there was some farmland areas in the east and west of the main road, but the condition turned into housing estates in 2010.

The first location of village changes was in the west of the main road. In 1930, there was a river stroke in the western village, which run from the south west to the north east of village. This river still existed in 2010 with the same location. Between river and main road, there were large farmland areas in the south of post office, but it has been changed into houses. Also, in the north site of post office, there were shops that close the office in 1930, but these buildings were turned into houses and small road in 2010.

The village changes also occurred in the east of the main road. There was a small primary school in front of post office and it was expanded in 2010. In the south of school, there were a house, gardens, and a large house. The garden became housing estates and it developed along the main road, also the large house had been expanded into a retirement house. In the north of school, the farmland areas had been changed into houses and there was also a small road in 2010.




restuanlubis 4 / 7  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
@septyndid

you have done with well your essay.

Overall, you built a good lexical resource and grammatical range, but some word may be repetitive for instance:

the third paragraph: ........it was expanded in 2010 and ....... expanded into a retirement ------> develop or enlarge

Also still stay focus on same tenses:

the second paragraph:

there were shops that close the office in 1930 ------> closed the office in 1930

keep writing, break a leg
Diahkn93 6 / 9  
Mar 27, 2017   #3
hello miss Septi

i have found a few mistake in your essay such as :
there were large farmland areas in the south of post office (you can put "the" after "of")

also the large house had been expanded into a retirement house (you can just use passive perfect, not passive past perfect considering there is no time signal)

In the north of school, the farmland areas had been changed into houses and there was also a small road in 2010.
(- again, you can use passive form of present perfect = have been changed
- or passive form of simple past if you refer "in 2010" for the whole sentence = were changed)
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Mar 27, 2017   #4
Septi, you can probably get a score of 5 with this essay. The essay could use some less mechanical approach to the presentation by appropriately presenting the comparison information. You did well by dividing the comparison into areas based upon the old and new land divisions. However, you tended to confuse the presentation because you merged the information for 1930 and 2010 during some points. It is always best to indicate the year you are discussing at the beginning of the paragraph and then, present the next year before you present the new set of information, still within the same paragraph. Don't leave it for the end. It is important to mention the year first so that the reader can keep track of what information is being presented within the paragraph. You did some pretty good analysis on this essay. However, the comparisons were affected by the problematic presentation. Don't worry though, you were accurate enough in the presentation that the information was somehow, still understandable by the reader.


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