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Changing children's lifestyle by exploring the natural world


IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Apr 17, 2015   #1
Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?

Nowadays, modern technology changes people's lifestyle. Because of this, some people now prefer spending their time to relax and enjoy their lives. However, others argue that children should play in the nature world to take more experience. Therefore, I believe that it is really important for children to explore wider environment to improve children's social skill.

With regard to spend time indoors, children have limited environment to explore their talent. For example children just know playing computer games instead of playing an outside activity with other friends. Consequently, children grow up with different behavior or custom from places where children live.

On the other hand, taking to the nature world can change children's way of life. This is because children can imitate lifestyle of adult around them after the children make close relationship and observe adult's behavior. In addition, children also are used to challenge which they face so that, this condition encourages children to be more independent.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although advanced technology makes quitter to stay at home and can get some benefits from the technology, children must have social skill which can make children to survive with life challenge in the future. Therefore, I would argue that parents should encourage their children to play in the nature world to improve children's ability.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 17, 2015   #2
- Nowadays, modern technology changes(CHANGED) people's(PEOPLES) lifestyle.
- With regard to spend (SPENDING)time indoors, children have limited environment to explore their talent. For example children just know (LEARN) playing computer games instead of playing an outside activity with other friends.

- On the other hand, (taking to - DELETE) the nature world can change children's way of life.
- they face (so that- DELETE) AND this condition encourages children to be more independent.

- The aforementioned (MENTIONED)evidence reveals that although advanced technology makes quitter to stay at home and can get some benefits from the technology, children must have social skill which can make children to survive with life (LIFES) challenge in the future.

Hi Iqbal, your essay is good, you just have to mind the usage of big words, if there not necessary then don't use it, remember that a great number of your readers would want to understand your essay upfront without looking up for the meaning of the word, so be conversational and then turn on your spell check. Lastly, PROOF READ it before you submit your work.

Cheers!!!
farhan110991 11 / 17 8  
Apr 17, 2015   #3
your writing is good, but i have some comments.

Nowadays, modern technologyan advanced technologychangeshas changed people's lifestyle. Because of this, some people now prefer spending their time to relax and enjoy their livesThis trend encourage people to be more likely to get leisure in their home . HoweverAs such , many a person argues that children should play in the nature world to take more experience (what kind of experience?) . Therefore, I believe that it is really important for children to explore wider environment to improve children's social skills .


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