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The chart gives information about problems that people who live abroad may face.



dinartika19 37 / 66  
Aug 25, 2016   #1
Topic :

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart gives us information about cities problems when they living abroad. Overall, it can be see that the problems remain stagnant although there are slow fluctuation. The main fact that stand out is middle age inhabitants have the biggest percentage facing the problems.

The greatest problems for people aged 35-54 years old are to manage their heath body at 37 percent. However, older people with the range number over 55 year come last for under 30 percent and the second from the bottom is the youngest individuals. Financial problem become the second biggest problem to handle and the average middle-ages inhabitants still in the first position with 35 percent. The next is the younger people only with one percent difference. The easiest problem for all ages is to get school for their children with under 20 percent and specially grandparents come last about under five percent.

ichanpants89 16 / 744  
Aug 25, 2016   #2
Hi Atikah,

Apart from technical issues related to grammatical range and accuracy, I would like to focus on other things. I hope you can follow through.

- First of all, it is unfortunate that you forgot to upload the picture. This would make the reader or examiner feel difficult to assess your writing and your score can't be predicted this time.

- Second of all, your essay was only 147 words in which it is not adequately answered the question given in IELTS task 1. Remember, "inappropriate format" is one of the criteria of band 4. This is totally dangerous. Make sure at least you fulfill the very first task, write MORE THAN 150 words. It is suggested for you to aim for 165 minimum or 190 maximum.

- Third of all, avoid writing a personal pronoun or some personal pronouns in IELTS task 1 essay (you wrote "us" there.) . This would be also dangerous and should be avoided.

As you can see Atikah, some suggestions have been delivered clearly. I hope you can gain more improvements in the next practice. :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1171  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Hi there..., let me give you some valuable insight as per you report writing.
Bear in mind that including a picture of the graph every time you post IELTS task 1 is a must. This helps readers understand what is being asked. Without any graph, we cannot even share detailed feedback.

The chart gives us information about cities problems when they living abroad

A breakdown of some problems that people face when they go abroad.

Overall, it can be see that the problems remain stagnant although there are slow fluctuation.

Overall trends show no changes, while some fluctuate over period in question.

The main fact that stand out is middle age inhabitants have the biggest percentage facing the problems.

Compared to all aged groups of people, the cohort of middle aged groups experiences more problems with the highest percentage.

Hope this helps :D


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