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IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The chart shows the percentage of people born in and outside of Australia...

nh_thanhnha 1 / -  
Jan 30, 2023   #1

the bar chart report

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian citizens that were born in and outside of Australia living in metropolitan areas, towns, and rural areas in 2 years 1950 and 2010.

Generally, the figures of people living in cities rose while it can be seen the opposite patterns from those who live in towns and rural areas.

Concerning people born in Australia, the percentage rose slightly from 50% to over 60% over there years! The percentage of people living in towns experienced a decrease of 5% to 15% in 2010, which was the same figure as people in the countryside after dropping twofold from 30% in 1950.

As can be seen from people born outside of Australia, city inhabitants reached the peak of 80% in 2010 whilst the people in towns remained stable. As for rural citizens,the figure plummeted from 40% in 1950 to approximately 5% in 2010.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Jan 30, 2023   #2
The word count is slightly under the minimum count by one word. That is really sad because a miniscule deduction will be applied for that missing word. Always make sure to come in with at least 150 words to avoid even the smallest penalty in relation to word count. Refrain from under writing to avoid technical deductions.

A summary overview should never be presented in a long sentence / run on form. In this case, the summary could have used 3 sentences to separately reference the highlights of the image. Do not aim for speed writing, aim for clear writing. Speed writing ends up with more accidental deductions such as in the word count. The more sentences you use in the presentation, the clearer your explanation and analysis, the better your score.

This is an academic paper, never use an exclamation point for any reason. That is an incorrect way of adding emphasis to your statement. Emphasis may be added using correct words. However, the analysis task does not require emphasis when stating facts. So the use of exclamation points are unnecessary in this task.

Paragraphs are mostly under developed in this presentation. The ideas presented are mostly difficult to follow due to the run-on nature of the writing. All these paragraphs should be composed of 3 or 5 sentences, never just a single sentence, never just 2 sentences.
someoneishere 3 / 4 1  
Feb 12, 2023   #3
Your number of sentences is quite short
for writing task 1. Moreover, the descriptive comparison is quite simple. Especially do not use an exclamation point in an academic article.

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