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[Task 1] The charts below show what the UK graduate and postgraduate students did after college

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Sep 4, 2017   #1
The charts below show what the UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

unemployed graduates and postgraduates in britain

The bar chart illustrates the destinations of British graduate and postgraduate students who did not proceed with a full-time job after leaving college in 2008. They are categorized as part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment. In this essay, I will summarize the features of each category and make comparisons wherever relevant.

Overall, further study came out on top in popularity, followed by part-time work and unemployment, with voluntary work ranking the bottom in the list. Almost the same percentage of graduate and postgraduate students went into unemployment or voluntary work. As to further study, it led part-time work by a considerable margin among graduate students. Yet the difference was slender in the other population group.

Voluntary work was an absolutely unattractive option. Only 3500 graduates and 345 postgraduates proceeded with voluntary work. Part-time work was much more desirable, as it gained favor from 17,735 graduates and 2,535 postgraduates.

All the more so was further study, given the fact that 29,665 postgraduates and 2,725 graduates opted to continue their education. Unemployment was also a common scene in 2008 when 16,235 postgraduates and 1,625 graduates became jobless. With all the information, it is quite evident that the majority of these graduates and postgraduates did not enter labor market.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. Now I challenge myself to pursue an 8.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Sep 4, 2017   #2
Gang, this is probably going to score within the 7 to 7.5 bracket for a number of reasons. The first is that you forgot to place a comma between the phrase "... further study and unemployment." Since unemployment is an unrelated description, it still needs to be separated from the previous description. There were points deducted from the GRA score because of it. The main reason that your score would have been lowered would be because of an inaccurate assumption on your part. You claimed that majority of the graduates did not enter the labor market. There was no concrete statement indicating that in the graph that was provided. Therefore, you may have created an inaccurate assumption, which would have led to misinformation of the reader.

Your job in this essay was not to make assumptions. Rather, you were to only report on the provided information. By creating an opinion of the present information, when it was not required nor indicated in the graph analysis instructions, you created a questionable and inaccurate report. It is not your job to create a conclusion regarding the information. It is only your job to report on it based on comparisons and main features. So unless you are asked to make an assumption in the report, avoid doing that as it will have a direct effect on your TA score.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Sep 4, 2017   #3
Many thanks, Ms. Rose. Such conscientious advice cannot be heard otherwise. Without you, I would never find my flaws.

I will improve my essay accordingly and make another challenge for an 8.

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