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[IELTS] Cheap flights should not be discouraged



zjxhz 5 / 13  
Oct 6, 2014   #1
Topic: some people think cheap air travel brings us benefits while others believe that non-essential flights should be cut in order to reduce environmental problems caused by cheap air travel. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

My essay:

Travelling by air used to be luxurious which could not be afforded even by the middle class a few decades ago. However, nowadays more cheap flights are emerging since technology has evolved. But it also comes with a price: increasing flights have been posing a threat to the environment thus some people suggest that unnecessary flights should be restricted in order to protect the environment. My view is that people should be free to choose means of transportation whichever they like.

Cheap flights have made long distance trips more attractive. Tourists are always curious about the cultures or views that are different from their own, so they are more interested in travelling to a destination that is far away from them, usually abroad. Airplanes are ideal tools to reach these places as it takes less time and, sometime, are even less expensive. Spending less time on the way is not only attractive to people who have tight schedules but also is more comfortable, because people can easily get exhausted after staying in the vehicle for a long time without much possibility to move around and exercise.

On the other hand, cheap flights are causing more damages to the environment as people are more likely to travel further and more regularly. Aircrafts, comparing to traditional tools such as trains, are not very efficient in using energies, which results in a high carbon footprint. Moreover, it is impossible at all to adopt clean energies like sonar or electronic cars do at this moment.

In conclusion, in spite of the air pollution caused by cheap flights, I believe that low cost air travel should not be discouraged as it makes long trips more easily achieved.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 6, 2014   #2
Travelling by air used to be luxurious...

- This should be your second paragraph instead of your introduction. You need to restate the prompt, offer the two points of view for discussion, and then present your opinion on the matter. Only after doing that can you launch into offering point of view discussions.

You also need to fix or finalize what your real opinion on the matter is. That is because at the start, you say that people should be free to choose their means of transportation. I quoted that point of view below:

My view is that people should be free to choose means of transportation whichever they like.

But then at the end of the essay, you conclude by saying that:

I believe that low cost air travel should not be discouraged as it makes long trips more easily achieved.

- So which is which? Why did you suddenly change your point of view? You need to clarify this point because your essay just failed to get a passing grade.
OP zjxhz 5 / 13  
Oct 6, 2014   #3
Thank you vangiespen very much, you have helped me realized that my major problems and avoided a possible failure exam :)

This should be your second paragraph instead of your introduction.

Yes you are right. I meant to restate the prompt in this way but it seems that I added a few unnecessary ideas which should rather go to latter paragraphs.

You also need to fix or finalize what your real opinion on the matter is.

I am confused. My opinion was that non-essential flights should NOT be cut, or in other words, discouraged, that was why I said people should be able to choose whatever means of transportation, including cheap flights. Maybe this statement was a bit ambiguous, because it could also mean that people do not necessarily choose cheap flights...
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 6, 2014   #4
- zjxhz, that is exactly what I was pointing out to you. You must always present a clear point of view in the introduction because it tells the reader what to expect in the discussion. When you use ambiguous terms and references, the meaning can and will get lost in the mind of the reader. Always say what you mean and constantly reiterate it if necessary within the various parts of the essay. Right now, it seems like you had one opinion at the start of the essay and then changed your mind about it after the discussion was completed. That is not a good trait in a writer.


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