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TOEFL - checking more news resources lead to more truthful, less prejudiced and a faster information


Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 23, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of social media due to the great advancement of the Internet. I claim that a person must get information from many various news resources to be well-informed, because it is more likely for us to get access to true information with less bias faster than people who have only one resources.

Firstly, having more resources can increase the rate of getting true information. As we all know, people are inclined to have different perspecitves to one object, not to mention experienced news journalists. Take a car accident as an example: some journalists report information which is favorable for drivers, while others defend for victims. As a result, the public are exposed to a more comprehensive horizon. So, I believe that we should learn from more resources, in order to be well-informed.

Secondly, it is hard to doubt that sometimes journalists maintain stereotypes to different groups of people. Journalists, who have capacity to influence individuals in society, can hardly avoid prejudice. For example, some reporters tend to give juicy gossip of celebrities to create bad impressions of them , because they don't believe that these famous stars behave well in their daily lives. They are facilitated to chase after celebrities to obtain harmful news, which will also lead audiences to make wrong judgements. More resources can drive us to judge by ourselves not by bias and we can be well-informed.

Last but not least, more resources means that we have more oppotunities to get information quickly and conveniently. Those social media and their journalists are located in different regions in the country. Due to various geographic locations, some of media can arrive at spots faster than others, so they can report earlier as well. I states that speed is crucial for us to become well-informed.

In conclusion, we should get access to more resources in order to become well-informed, because more news resources lead to more truth, less prejudice and a faster speed to get news.

reliabletutors - / 1  
Feb 23, 2016   #2
Yes it is true to having different news resources to get the information.
JuanSebastianR 23 / 63 37  
Feb 23, 2016   #3
Hi Crystal,

I am glad to be able to work with you.

Your essay is very impressive. Your view and message is heard loud and clear. I have a few questions and food for thought:

What kind of news resources are you writing about in your essay? Are you writing about news as in Television news?

Here are a few errors I found:

... faster than people who have only one resources .

... favorable for drivers, while others defend forthe victims. As a result, the public areis exposed to a more comprehensive horizon.
... learn from more resources , in order to be well-informed.

... to obtain harmful news, which will also leads audiences to make wrong judgements..

ThoseSs ocial media and (...) different regions in theof country.
... some of the media can arrive at ... I states that speed isEarlier availability of news is crucial for us ...

I like your essay overall after reading it a few times. To polish your essay, I would try to remove the repeated word: "well-informed." I counted the word five times. Here are a few synonyms: Educated, Knowledgeable, Intelligent, In the know, Schooled, Versed, Trained. In English writing, it is not necessary to list your paragraphs as Firstly, Secondly, Lastly. While it is highly recommended in middle school and high school, it doesn't show maturity in the essay. Get to the point right away and add introductory words such as: Also, Additionally, Moreover. I hope i was able to help. But overall, your essay is great! Good luck!
Riaz148 1 / 2  
Feb 23, 2016   #4
Try using perenthiesis!
OP Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 23, 2016   #5
Thank you so much.

To be honest, I don't know the exact meaning of "well-informed" when I was writing. I tried to use one APP in my cellphone to remember words, however, I had never seen "well-informed" before. Since it was a practice test, I could not look it up in a dictionary. I am afraid of guessing wrong or misunderstanding, so I just repeat it again and again. Thanks to your help, I learned some paraphrases today.

About the way of listing paragraphs, I have some confusions. A few passages ago, I wrote "first of all"/"in addition"/"moreover"/"furthermore"/"last but not least"......Somebody else told me that I should use "firstly"/"secondly"/"lastly", so I changed. Is it better to use other expressions? Should I resume my old habits? I am looking forward to your reply.

Have a nice day!
Linda91 30 / 40 3  
Feb 24, 2016   #6
Journalists, who have a capacity to influence individuals ...
... impressions of them , because they don'tdo not believe that these ...
... lead audiences to make wrongjudgements .
... judge by ourselves not by bias and we can bebeing well-informed.

Last but not least, more resources means that we have more oppotunitiesopportunity to get information quickly and conveniently.
Due to
due to various geographic locations,(.)some of mediamedia can arrive at spots faster...
I states that speed is a crucial matter for us to become well-informed.
JuanSebastianR 23 / 63 37  
Feb 26, 2016   #7
Hi Crystal,

Using firstly and secondly won't hurt your essay. It is just very common to see it in various essays. A professor once told me, "Get right to the point!" When you divide your essay into paragraphs, usually the reader will assume that each paragraph has its own idea, and that the introductory phrases will tie back to the thesis. That is why using an outline is one of the most important things to do in writing. You have used your outline very well, so using firstly, secondly, and last but not least, is not necessary. I think using other introductory phrases or getting to the point right away and tying it back to the thesis is way more mature and shows excellent writing skills.

As you improve your writing skills, you will notice that you don't need those introductory phrases anymore. You will begin by stating your argument right away connecting it back to the thesis.

:-)

That is just a thought.

Good luck with your essay!

Best regards,

JSRL


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