I absolutely agree with this point of view.
Good response. What is the basis? Where is the thesis statement meant to support your opinion? You should have included the basis reason as a summarized form of your later opinion. It would have boosted your score.
I think we have an LR problem here. I do not believe you meant to use persuade because that means to convince. Maybe you meant to say pursue? Pursue means to follow through.
why I agree
Use an emotional reference to keep your response in line with the measured response requirement of the original prompt. Instead of just simply agreeing, you can indicate that you solidly agree because...
There is an error in the concluding summary. You should not have made any decision for the reader at that point. You are only to inform the reader. You cannot decide for them in an opinion essay. Reflect only your decision, nothing more.