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Some educationalists argue that non-exam, arts-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft

crazycat1139 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2023   #1

arts in school cirriculum

It has become increasingly prevalent for people to say that the secondary -school cirriculum has to include the arts-based courses to improve overall academic results. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with this point of view.

First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that these subjects provide a variety of knowledge in arts to the students so that they can persuade for their career in future. There is no denying that many talents were discovered when they show their artwork or performed in front of their classmates and teachers. For instance, Hien Thuc is one of famous female singers who has developed the talent from music courses at school.

Another reason why I agree with the madatory arts-based subjects is that the pupils can be trained a range of skills when they focus on learning these. This means that when learners are studying to make artworks they have to be more careful, more patient to complete the task so these processes gradually help them get more useful skills for future demand. There is a study showing that the children who are taught with soft skills will be easier to success in future.

In conclusion, I totally support the point that puplis should be madatory to study arts-based subjects from drama, crafts, arts to music in order to develop all-round qualification because these provide not only the foundation but also the helpful skills for leaners. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this issue.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Oct 30, 2023   #2
I absolutely agree with this point of view.

Good response. What is the basis? Where is the thesis statement meant to support your opinion? You should have included the basis reason as a summarized form of your later opinion. It would have boosted your score.


I think we have an LR problem here. I do not believe you meant to use persuade because that means to convince. Maybe you meant to say pursue? Pursue means to follow through.

why I agree

Use an emotional reference to keep your response in line with the measured response requirement of the original prompt. Instead of just simply agreeing, you can indicate that you solidly agree because...

There is an error in the concluding summary. You should not have made any decision for the reader at that point. You are only to inform the reader. You cannot decide for them in an opinion essay. Reflect only your decision, nothing more.

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