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Children should be allowed to do paid work or not



rozhnaz 7 / 13  
May 27, 2016   #1
Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work while others think that this should be illegal. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Nowadays, children are more involved in the workforce for so many reasons. Some people believe that the younger generation can take advantage by working and earn money, whilst others believe that children should not be in paid work at all. However, there should be a considerable limit on the hours that children Spend on work paid or unpaid. In my opinion, I think gaining experience in an early age could be immensely beneficial, if supervised closely by parents and caregivers.

Some people think that children who are involved in paid work are more vulnerable to discrimination and exploitation than adult workers. As well as, Naivety and lack of experience at work place is more apparent and more common with children. For instance, children may have well been manipulated by other workers, giving them hard work and not being paid enough based on their job. Meanwhile, children are going through the process of physical and mental development at an early age, need to be under a good health care (and that is less likely at the work place). As some kind of jobs cannot give any benefit to children for example washing and cleaning floors or work surfaces.

It is clear; if a physical pressure is put on children at that young age could be harmful for their developments halt their progression.
In addition, there is a notion about the benefit of paid work for children. It is thought that allowing children to work can give them some advantages such as social skills, and valuable experiences that could be helpful for their future career.

Furthermore, I believe that children must have access to a mixture of working experience at their schools, while under supervision of their teachers and adult carers. This could help in eradicating abuse of children at work places and help develop their skills. At the same time, the job quality should be monitored by experts in education as well as the local governments, to deliver the best possible working environment for the younger generation.

In conclusion, Children, who get work experience in an early age, could be hugely beneficial to the growth of the country's economy. However, there should be clear guidelines from the local authorities on how and when to send children to work.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 80  
May 27, 2016   #2
Hello Rozhnaz! This writing looks better than the previous one that I revised; congrats! You also gain improvement in terms of the use of academic vocabularies in this essay. Some notes to be considered here are the minor things such as punctuation, redundant expression, and capitalization. Here are several takes on your writing:

"..so manyseveral reasons."
"In my opinion, I think.." You can omit the first three words as all the phrases in this sentence have a similar meaning. For example: "I think..."

I have a suggestion for the revision of the sentence "It is clear; if a physical pressure is put on.." as follows:
It is clear that a physical pressure could be harmful to the children's development.
"As well as , (what do you mean by this phrase? If you want to add new information, try to change the phrase with other transitional phrases instead)n aivety (Watch out for the capitalization. Put a capital letter only if the words are name of places, people, and countries. I found there are more capitalization problems in this essay)

Please bear in mind that a minor thing can be harmful if one keep ignoring it. However, I do believe that you can avoid the same mistakes considering that you show me the development of your writing this time. Stay positive and keep writing! Regards.
Novi 7 / 5  
May 27, 2016   #3
Hi rozh, here are some suggestion for you

Some people believe that the younger generation can take advantage ofby working and earn money
Naivetynaivety and lack of experience at work ...
As some kind of jobs cannot give any benefit to children for example children, for example washing and ...
Children, who get work experience inat an early age

In my opinion, it is better to explore more in the positive side (giving example and reason), since your thesis statement deal with it. you explain preety much in negative side, but lack in adverse.

glad to read your essay
keep on writing, cheers
OP rozhnaz 7 / 13  
May 27, 2016   #4
Thank you for your supportive feedback. I really appreciate your comments.


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