In many countries, children are engaged in some kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion!
Many countries are allowed children to work in particular areas. Some people believe that it is important for them, while others said it is completely wrong. Even though children can get a lot of experiences that it does not have in formal education, I believe that they are not ready to face the working life as a mentality and psychology.
It is believed that many experiences that children can get in their working areas rather than in formal education. The reason for this is that they meet a lot of colleagues who older than them, and they can bring a good influences for children. And also, they can learn about how to operate some equipment in their offices. For example, a current survey by Psychologist University of Melbourne in 2009 found that 75% children are happy to work in offices and also satisfy with their new skills that they got in companies. It is true that more experience would be obtained if children take part-time job, but I think the disadvantages of this statement are more than its advantages.
Aside from what explained above, mental and psychology of children are not suitable in working area. The reason for this is that young people are still unstable in choosing the best occupation for them and they are easy to be distracted by the high pressure from working place. For example, in 2007 some lectures from University of Birmingham found that 68% of children who take a part-time job always have a problem with their personality, making them hard to socialize with people surrounding them. I believed this view is more acceptable as healthy development of children should be prioritized.
To sum up, although working areas are offering children a lot of experiences, I think they do not to accept that because their mental and psychology is not willing the working life. I would agree that they have continued their study first before entering cycle works.
Hi Mem, I have some advice for you
It is believed that many experiences that children can get many experiences in their working areas ...
The reason for this is that theychildren meet a lot of (...), and theythose co-workers can bring a good ... Possessive pronouns are confusing
Best regards
Hi Muhammad, below are my suggestions to enhance the first two paragraphs of your essay;
- Many countries are allowedallow children to work in
- Even thoughThough children can get a lot of
- experiences,thatit does not havethey will miss a lot in formal education,
- I believe that they are not mentally and psychologically ready to
- face the working life as a mentality and psychology .
- in theirthis working areas are beneficial rather than in formal education.
- The reason for this is that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- who are older than them, and they can bring
- a good influences forto the children.
- And also, they can learn about how to operate some equipment in their offices. - I believe this sentence is not necessary in this part of the essay.
- For example, a current survey by a Psychologist in the University of Melbourne
- in 2009 found that 75% of children are happy to
- and they also satisfy with theirdevelop new skills
- that they got inlearn companies.
There you have it Muhammad, I hope you are able to get a few advises on how to enhance your essay.Overall, I believe the confusion comes from the fact that, you are trying very hard to put all your ideas in one go, so for future writing reference, make sure that you know how to separate and logically present your ideas.
hello there,
let me give some corrections for your writing,
1.they can bringagood influences
2 For example, a current survey by (the) Psychologist
3.if children take part-time(use a or the part-time) job
4. I believe (that) the confusion comes from the fact that
may my correction can help your writing.
thank you.
