IELTS task 2 - Children should only concentrate on their aptitude subjects

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude.

To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

Children education is very important. They should only focus on the subjects which are competence to them, and abandoned art classes if they do not have any interest with it. Although this statement is true in some extent, it is believed that learn art such drawing and painting can increase your brain capability, and also this activity can help to reduce stress.

Apparently school syllabus has a wide range of subjects these days. This is not good for children development since each student has a different aptitude. They should only concentrate on the subject what they like. For example, pupils who have good skill in IT or mathematics can omit other subjects, such as painting and drawing. Doing merely practical subjects will make their time effective and resulting good remark in their exam. As seen, it is necessary to ignore other subject which is not related with their specialty.

On the other hand, studying art can increase our brain potency. In term of research, human brain is separated into two chambers. The right side is for exact matter likes mathematics and the left side is for abstract subject such art. A recent study done by Harvard University in 2012 reveals that children who do both things in art and exact science tend to have a better score. This is because we feed and activate both of our brains equally. In addition, drawing and painting activities can reduce pupils stress. They feel happy when draw their imagination in a sheet of paper. Meanwhile, this kind of activity also increases their creativity which is beneficial for helping them to solve the problem.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that dispute children lack of artistic talent, they should be given this art lesson for their merits. Where possible, balancing this both subjects will carry best result to them in young age.

Bayu, I can understand the point that you are trying to make in your introduction. However, you forgot to present an important part of the prompt at the end of the paragraph. You need to make your agreement or disagreement with the statement as clear as possible. It is being required by the prompt so don't neglect to provide your voice in the opening statement.

That said, I would now like to focus on correcting the mistakes in your grammar. Here are the points of correction:

Children A CHILD'S education is very important.AS SUCH, T they should only focus on the subjects which are competence to them WHERE THEY SHOW COMPETENT SKILLS, and abandoned art classes if they do not have any interest with IN it. Although this statement is true in some extent, it is believed that learnING artS such drawing and painting can increase your brain capability ABILITY, and also this activity can helpS to reduce stress.

Apparently, THE school syllabus has a wide range of subjects these days. This is not good for children development since each student has a different aptitude. They should only concentrate on the subject what they like. For example, pupils who have good skillS in IT or mathematics can omit other subjects, such as painting and drawing. Doing merely practical subjects STUDYING SUBJECTS THEY ARE INTERESTED IN will make their time effective and resulting good remark IN GOOD GRADES in their examS. As seen, it THEREFORE IT is necessary to ignore other subjectS THAT which is ARE not related with TO their specialty.

THE human brain is separated into two chambers ZONES. The right side is for exact matter likes mathematics and the left side is for abstract subject such art. A recent study done by Harvard University in 2012 reveals that children who do both things in STUDY BOTH art and exact science tend to have a better score. This is because we feed and activate both of our brains equally. In addition, drawing and painting activities can reduce pupils STUDENT stress. They feel happy when THEY draw their imagination in ON a sheet of paper. Meanwhile, this kind of activity also increases their creativity which is beneficial for TO helping them to solve the problem.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that dispute children lack of artistic talent, they should be given this art lesson for their merits. Where possible, balancing this both subjects will carry best result to them in young age.

I deleted your conclusion in totality because it does not make any sense and does not properly conclude the essay.