Financial support for children's learning
It is undeniable that children's education is expensive . Towards this matter , some governments pay for a part or all of the fees needed . Personally , I believe that this trend's advantages outweigh the disadvantages .
Free education plays an important part in eradicating illiteracy . It creates chances for children to go to school , to be educated . Schools do not only offer students knowledge , but also teach them good manners . Thanks to education , kids will become well-educated citizens who devote their lived to their nations' growth . However , there are opponents who argue that they have to pay more taxes for this free education . It is not true at all . Providing children with free education will form a great workforce , and then bring wealth to the society by the high labour productivity . In this way , all civilians earn long-time benefits in the future .
Moreover , it can help to lessen financial burden for families . In remote areas , children are forced to work instead of learning due to the family's poor condition . Nonetheless , with the support of governments , kids are able to access to knowledge . Parents will not have to be worried about school fees and instead of working hard to pay fees for education , parents will have more time for their children .
In conclusion , the advantages of this trend will surely serve nations with the best workforce .
I don't know what your full prompt is or if this is writing task 2 of IELTS. So please clear that out.
"students knowledge"- knowledge to students
" Thanks to education , kids will become ..." - Framed informally. You can write, " By educating children, the nation's human resources will become capable enough to grow themselves as well as nation as a whole."
"However , there are opponents who argue... It is not true at all " - you could have written this line in introduction. whenever you write a paragraph, go with one stance.
"kids are able to ... "- kids will have free access to basic education.
"Parents will not have to be worried about school ..." - very contradicting.you don't need money only to pay fee of your children. there can be other necessities too like food and shelter. you could have written that " parents could focus more on making making their as well as their family's survival better if they know that their children are getting free education.
also add an example of any country where the government is providing free education and relate it with your essay. And you need to work on your intro and conclusion.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 You have not really written enough words to gain a maximum scoring potential for this essay. 252 words is just over the limit, but definitely under the required number of words that would have shown the examiner just how well you can discuss the topic. Next time, target a word count of about 275-290 words. Don't discount the ability of writing just the right number of words in increasing your score. Write too little and you don't get a high enough score. Write too much and you risk making grammar mistakes which could lower your over all score. You need to find a way to tread the middle line. Write just enough to make sure that your essay delivers a clear explanation, without using word fillers. Aim for 275 words in your early practice tests. Increase the word count as you gain more confidence in your writing.
Your second sentence in the first paragraph is almost a direct cut and paste of the original prompt presentation. As such, you will be using a memorized sentence presentation and have points deducted in your LR score because of it.
This is an advantage and disadvantage essay with a personal opinion reference. As such, you should be using 3 body paragraphs for the presentation that comprises:
- The disadvantage
- The advantage
- The explanation of which side you support.
In this essay, you only discussed the side that you support. Therefore, there is a lacking comparison element. Without the comparison element, your TA score will receive deductions for not adequately addressing the task. Remember, the prompt indicates how many discussion points are required in a presentation. Make sure to count the topics against your body discussion. That way you will be fully addressing the task discussion.
