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Essay about Children engaged in part time job. Is it good or bad. Discuss. Feedback



najeebahmed 1 / 1  
Nov 9, 2013   #1
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard as completely wrong, while other consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this ?

Around the world, many children are involved in part time jobs. This practice is strongly opposed by some people as they feel this activity is superfluous and distracting for young ones. However, there are others who support the idea of paid work for adolescents. Both sets of people have their bases which are explained in succeeding paragraphs.

Firstly, those who advocate that salaried job for juveniles is unfair put forward the argument that studies of the working children are affected while they work in parallel with their school or college life. For instance, it is an acceptable fact that time management and the balance between work and studies are not an easy task even for the adults, so to expect it from the children would be a tough task. In addition, the work offered to young ones' is of no value for their future life. For example, janitors, helpers and other such petty roles are presented.

On the other hand, groups who encourage the thought of paid work claims that the hard earned money enable the teens to respect the efforts of others, in particular their parents who travails in order to earn the bread and butter for them. Moreover, hands-on working experience enables them cope with the real life scenarios which they might not have learnt in absence of work. This gives them advantage over their peers and classmates in assessment of things with a different angle.

To conclude, I must admit that both options that is either having paid work or not have advantages and disadvantages. In my view, the positives of 'working children' far outweigh the negatives. This activity is not only beneficial for the children but to the society as well.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Nov 10, 2013   #2
Both sets of people have their bases which are explained in succeeding paragraphs.

What is your opinion about this ? It is better you state it in the introduction. Apart from that point, this is a very good introduction.

Firstly, those who advocate that salaried job for juveniles is unfair put forward the argument that studies of the working children are affected while they work in parallel with their school or college life.

This sentence is too very long and therefore it has lesser clarity. Write simple and interesting sentences. Do not cramp up sentences with too many ideas.

First, those who oppose children engaged in part time jobs argue that it is a distraction for the studies of such children and they may not perform with studies.

For instance, it is an acceptable fact that time management and the balance between work and studies are not an easy task even for the adults, so to expect it from the children would be a tough task. In addition, the work offered to young ones' is of no value for their future life. For example, janitors, helpers and other such petty roles are presented

Give a specific example for this. It is much more effective than giving more and more facts because examples are powerful in convincing the reader.
OP najeebahmed 1 / 1  
Nov 10, 2013   #3
Thanks for your comments.
Appreciated.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Nov 10, 2013   #4
On the other hand, groups who encourage the thought of paid work claims that the hard earned money enable the teens to respect the efforts of others, in particular their parents who travails in order to earn the bread and butter for them.

This sentence is too long and therefore it does not flow clearly. Split them into two;
On the other hand, groups who encourage children to engage in paid work claims that it helps them learn value of money. They assert that it is a welcoming concept that help ease the parents' burden on financing their children's education.

On the other hand, groups who encourage the thought of paid work claims that the hard earned money enable the teens to respect the efforts of others, in particular their parents who travails in order to earn the bread and butter for them. Moreover, hands-on working experience enables them cope with the real life scenarios which they might not have learnt in absence of work. This gives them advantage over their peers and classmates in assessment of things with a different angle.

You need to support these reasons with more specific examples. That is the best way to convince reader about your reasoning.


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