Hi Miss Adhanice,
your writing is overall good. Yet, let me give you some suggestions
parents believe that is more (why is your verb "is"? where is your subject?) favorable to introducing
to spend much time
by on playing
is overwhelmingly than the detrimental effect= learn more regarding to comparison
the detrimental effect, which (this "which" refers to what?) are both will be written in this essay.
that this increases their ability
on on technology
that world work alarmingly the requirement ...= pay more attention on your subject verb agreement
They thaught ought to preparing ????? their children on ...
Let's (no need to use construction since this is an academic writing) take an example, .
... playing gadgets bring (where is the subject of this verb) the drawback
they have to (this is similar modal of must, so as that this needs a bare infinitive verb after this modal) managing their time ...
are the positive (...) for children which who are outweight (see spelling) the negative impacts...
hope this helps,