please correct my essay,i would appreciate our effort to correct my work and this will help my in improving my work,thank you.
Present world is fast and materialistic, and due to high inflation it became necessary for more earning hands to fulfill family needs. Due to some of these reasons both parents are force to do jobs and this attributing to ignoring their children .Moreover some teenagers are misusing their fundamental right of freedom. I totally agree with the statement that children have more freedom then ever.
In the days gone by, parents rearing their children with lots of limitations on them, guardians use to supervise very closely their kids. However, situation in today's world has been changed, due to sky rocketing price of day to day commodities forcing both parents to earn. This attributing ignoring of children and lack of supervision ,hence kids are free to do what they want there is no one deter them.
Furthermore, economical independence cause youngster to choose their own destination . Children can work as part time to earn their pocket money , so that makes them financially independent. Hence parents have very less control and restriction on spending. Moreover ,children, specially teenagers are misusing their right of freedom ,according to child and social welfare authorities kids should have fundamental right of freedom .However in the name of basic right children are misusing and threatening the parents to complaining to relevant authority .Hence our legal system has given too much liberty to celebrate for smart kids.
To conclude ,certainly today's children are enjoying freedom, then older generation .Growing economic problem and self-earning at early age are the most apparent cause of too much freedom, ironically present law also made parents control weak on kids.
Hi Ja
I don't take IELTS exams before. I must say your eassy made several points clearly. I would suggest to re-structure it. Each paragrah has one main idea. It is not only for you to express your throughts clearly but also easily for your readers. Keep up doing it!
Hi
Your essay have several grammar error: for example: line one: "High inflation it became" you should use present perfect tens" it has been become ..."
The word "attributing" was used several times. Firs of all, the use of this word, in the context that you have used, is not rational. It would be better to replace them by other words such as contribute, stem from, arising from, result in, etc.
Just an idea,
The current world moves fast and is materialistic, with prices soaring for the necessities of life; it has become necessary for more earning hands to sustain a family's wants and needs. This leads to couples spending more time at work then they want to rather than monitoring their children activities. As a result, children have been given additional freedoms unaccustomed to earlier generations and essentially are misusing them. Whereas if monitored by a parent unhindered by the need to work extra hours to support their family, would make for a more controlled environment in which to nurture their children's direction.
In sequence with rising commodity prices, daycare costs have sky-rocketed, leaving the industry available to wealthy families only. This has led to parents leaving their children unattended for long periods of time, while even earlier than the age of ten. The children quickly develop practices and habits outside of their parents influence, sometimes timing events around their parents working schedule.
Although children do have certain fundamental rights and freedoms, parents also abide by a similar and symbiotic set of rules, creating the question; how can parents shoulder such obligation under strenuous economic conditions? Families often resort to necessitating their children to find work, manipulating their academic futures as a puppet without strings. Sadly, many children choose to make decisions that come with lawful consequences: shoplifting and Fraud tactics are increasing in concern consequently created by the peer pressure need to have luxuries items restricted by their family budgets.
Etc...
Hope this helps
