Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Should children be immunised against diseases? Could both parents decide about it?



valkoval 1 / -  
Jan 16, 2018   #1

Kids immunisation decision



Children's vaccination has proved its protective effect from various diseases. While proponents of vaccination vote for obligatory vaccination, I suppose that parents should be allowed to choose whether immunize their children or not.

It is well known that children are vulnerable to many different diseases because their weak immunity. Parents look after for their children and protect their health from all possible illnesses since childhood. Nowadays the number of vaccines for newborn is determined by governments in many counties. However, while immunization against some diseases such as tetanus or whooping cough is might be very effective, we still have a little knowledge about harmful effect of vaccinations. Sometimes unknown effect of vaccination can lead to unexpected consequences or even a child's death.

As parents are responsible for their children, they do not want to subject them to any harmful effect. When a mass immunization programmes are implemented in a country, this could cause a risk to the whole nation. As every child is individual, we can not to prevent the children's reaction to a specific vaccine. Moreover, the chemical content of vaccines is unknown and parent's education about its usefulness is low. Some parents also have religious beliefs which are not allowed them to immunize their children, thus their needs should be considered before introduction of obligatory immunization.

To sum up, I strongly believe that in spite of proved positive effect of artificial immunization, every person has a right to choose what would be better for his or her child. Before making a decision parents should weight all pros and cons of vaccines, and government should take into consideration parent's warnings and give them right to choose.

MariamBakr2001 2 / 4  
Jan 16, 2018   #2
Hello, I think that's good topic, but there're some mistakes let's check them
because of their weak immunity.
the newborn
or a whooping
about the harmful effect
to prevent
before the introduction
in spite of the proved
the government
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15463  
Jan 17, 2018   #3
Valentina, are you responding to an IELTS or TOEFL practice essay question? You need to indicate the type of test you are taking, as well as the question you are responding to in order to get an accurate review of your response essay. I do not feel like your opening statement is complete. It is only 2 sentences long when the average length of an opening statement is no less than 3 sentences, no more than 5. Since I not informed about what test you are taking, I cannot be more specific in my advice about that part of the paragraphs than what I just told you.

All of your presented paragraphs do not discuss your given reasons. It merely lists them. So the discussion you present will be considered not fully developed and uninformative. This will lower the score for your essay as you do not show any ability to present English reasoning skills to the reader / examiner. You should focus on only one topic per paragraph, then fully explain your support for this reason, over 3 paragraphs. That is, one reason per paragraph.

It appears that you only completed 4 of the required 5 paragraphs for an English test. That is why your personal opinion, placed in the 4th paragraph is faulty. You indicated a personal opinion as a closing statement, which is not acceptable in any form of English testing. The personal opinion must always be presented as an individual paragraph, separate from the closing statement. The closing statement, is most effective when it used to simply summarize the previous discussion and nothing more.


Home / Writing Feedback / Should children be immunised against diseases? Could both parents decide about it?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳