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Being children means learning every aspect of life. The competition and cooperation is no exception.


fijarakbar25 11 / 13 2  
Jan 27, 2016   #1
Being children means learning every aspect of life. It is necessary to motivate them to be well improved in cognitive, physical and social side; some even argue that teaching them competition spirit is immensely significant for their progressions. Aside these opinions, there are arguments saying that children ought to learn how to communicate with companions in order to be better grown people. I am convinced that although learning to interact with society is important, they should be also advised about struggle.

On one hand, children need to learn to live together because they could not survive without others. It is a mandatory for them to be introduced how to liaise with community, otherwise serious issues may appear if they ignore this principle like inciting hatred and enmity. Besides, cooperation helps them learn from each other, for instance many primary school students who are in sport team will probably exchange what they know for the sake of winning the competition. As a result they tend to be more experienced to live in larger society.

On the other hand, they need also to learn competitive life as they are in it. The most obvious advantage is that they are eager to open their mind which enables them to be more creative and innovative. Let take a child competing with other classmates as example, they will work hard to achieve highest result. This leads them to be independent and responsible for their own future.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that notwithstanding convincing arguments on both sides of debate about matters above, it is believed that supporting student to be competitive in positive way is as significant as having lesson about human interaction. The reason is that human complete proliferation and preparation to face future challenges could be achieved through those ways

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jan 27, 2016   #2
Let take a child competing with other classmates as example

as an example

I would agree that, if writing an academic paper, it is better to write "Let us" than "Let's".

Many academics won't mind seeing some first person tenses in your paper, but many also do mind. Personally, I avoid first and second person tense when writing academic papers. So, I might just use the gerund form in your examples.

Instead of "Let us consider" - "Considering..."
Instead of "Let us see" - "Seeing..."

That tends to be read in a more universally friendly manner.

highest

the highest - remember the rule of superlative sentence

The reason is that human complete proliferation and preparation to face future challenges could be achieved through those ways

this word or your last sentence makes you unconsciously open a new matter in the discussion, which means you broaden the limitation into human life rather than focus on the children until the end of your essay.

overall, i see a good elaboration on your essay, of course with several errors, but I guess it is still possible to make you to earn a good score.

keep writing mate, 7 more essays are waiting for you :D
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 27, 2016   #3
Muhamad, I have a sense that you did not totally respond to the prompt in this essay that you developed. You seem to have two kinds of line of reasoning going on in this essay and I am not sure if you are actually discussing it properly. Can you present the essay prompt in totality to us? the one that you have posted in the title does not seem to be the complete prompt. Which is why I have some questions about how you wrote the essay. Should the concentration of the discussion been on cooperation? If so, why did you decide to discuss struggle? Was there room in the prompt for you introduce such a deviation from the topic of the prompt?

What is the connection of competition with struggle? Why is the latter important to learn along with competition? The essay is not really very clear about the discussion. You are not using the proper keywords throughout the essay to clue in your reader as to how and what you are presenting as information. I believe that the essay can use some revision and clarity. Again, we need to know the actual prompt in order to decide about your prompt responsiveness.


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