These days, with the rapid development in science and technology, using smartphones for hours has became common to a large number of youngsters. There are many reasons behind this phenomenon and reaching an accord that it brings more harm than good.
In terms of causes, it is believed to be causes from two main things. Concerning the former reason, it is true that those smart devices bring lots of pleasure and comfort. Easy- touched screen, colorful lively graphics, along with ready availability make sensible gadgets, especially smartphones more appealing as well as favorable to citizens. Therefore, children, who are usually attracted by new things, seem to be easily addicted to phones. Turning to the second point, another chief root for this tendency can start from the way parents treat their children. In this day and age, when large business burden is put on every adults' shoulders, parent's time used for their offsprings lesser everyday, thereby, they have no other way except providing such devices for kids to entertain themselves. So, increasing time for using smartphones in children sounds legible.
From my perspective, the overwhelming use of cellphones by undergraduates can be deemed negative due to its severe effects on children's health and relationships. It is true that keeping eyes glued to screens for a long time may make pavements to various diseases, such as eye problems, obesity, scoliosis, to name but a few. To illustrate, many recent researchs have concluded that smartphones addiction takes a big portion in increasing the rate of having disability among children that may later on affect badly to their lives. In a social content, many people assume that this tendency bring obstacles to a child's communication. By this I mean, children too focus on their gadgets that they neglect real life relationships. Consequently, not only do they may have pessimistic introverted-like characters but they also lose enthusiasm from their loved ones.
In conclusion, the trend is prompted by the joy smartphones bring and parental loose supervision. I would opine this development negatively because of its adverse consequences. So, it is advisible to use them in a limited time.
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4783 The first paragraph should have at least 3 sentences in it. While the prompt rephrasing is acceptable, the writer's opinion could have used more clarity by providing both an opinion and a thesis statement, that way there would be a thorough response to the given writing instruction, providing a solid TA score for the exam taker.
undergraduates
I would not use this term because you are referring to college students with that. You should stick to the general terms that could describe children so that you do not stray from the focus of the discussion.
Your English is not perfect and yet, you manage to get your message across. Sentence writing can use more exercises to improve your grammar range.
@hbcrosese
I think you should include some positive arguments about the use of smartphones by children, such as how it allows them to search for information and so on, since talking about both would give the impression of comparing things, so talking more about one would look bad.
Lastly, you need to work on your grammar, and I would recommend adding more advanced or intermediate words and phrases to get a high score on the test. However, don't add too many, just use relevant ones.
The conclusion can be a bit long, as it seems like you finished it in a hurry. However, you can add some more points.
Overall, I think your essay was well written, and you did mention the negative impacts of smartphones on children. However, you should focus on structure, and the things mentioned above.
Hope it helped you
All the best
