IELTS 2: Whether children should be taught to distinguish right and wrong.

Teaching kids what is the appropriate behaviour

Question:

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

[b]Answer:

Teaching children how to distinguish right and wrong at an early age is significant. Punishment can also be given to carry out the theory. However, that must be a constructive punishment which helps build them up instead of putting them in negative attitude.

Children are totally new papers. They will become what we "draw" on them. Therefore, knowing right and wrong at an early age has an intense influence on young children. They have chances to be exposed to what are considered right and wrong definitions, and because this is done when they are little, habits and a solid ground will be formed as time passes by. For examples, if we show them taking someone's objects without permission is bad and thus receiving a bad outcome, they at least have a general picture in their head that this is not something they should do the next time.

So the question emerges, what method or technique should we use to teach them? Does punishment work out in this case? Punishment can be more of a negative effect than a beneficial one, especially if we abuse of it and do not have an appropriate type of punishment. We all understand the bad feelings when being punished. Being exposed to this type of emotions for a long time can make children weak, easily to get afraid, and tend to be over-obeyed with no reasons. Bullied at school, trying to please everyone or always being in the anxious condition are the most likely to happen outcomes.

All the thing we need to consider about punishment is that it is not a tool to scare children away or to make them anxious, it is a supportive way for them to experience the result and understand why certain things are wrong and right. Therefore, it is nothing but a constructive punishment will work out. This type can include two possible steps: first is to show them how does it feels if that happens to them and second is to give punishments as light as possible. For instance, if they take someone's toys without asking, we can create a similar situation but at this time they are the one whose toys are gone and ask them whether they feel bad about this. If their answer is yes, tell them that what they are suffering is exactly what people are suffering when this happens as well. After that, an agreement that we won't buy any new toy in the next few days can be made as an attached condition.

Teaching children at an early age how to distinguish what are right and wrong is undoubtedly a thing that parents should take into consideration, as it can form habits and build a solid ground for them when they grow up. However, a harsh punishment won't work out in this case cause it has more negative effects than positive ones. It is a constructive and light punishment focusing on how would they feel if they suffer from that bad situation and why this happens that will work out.

507 words

Thank you in advance!

You should be more clear with your language and usage of words. Avoid constructing sentences that lead to follow-up questions. When you're rereading your essay, ensure that you are able to discern what you are saying. It always helps when you provide a summation of what you ought to tackle before you go into the in-depth details. Your first paragraph, for instance, was quite unclear with where it wants to go. Remember that this first paragraph is supposed to teach the readers what the direction of the rest of your essay will be.

I would revise this first paragraph as:
It is vital to teach children how to distinguish between right and wrong at an early age. This can come hand in hand with carrying out punishments. However, these should always be constructive to teach them lessons. If not, these could potentially damage the child's growth.

In terms of the content of the arguments of your essay, it would be a great addition if you could expound more on why your proposed method of approaching this situation is better than simply giving out harsh punishments. It is great that you were descriptive with what you wanted to happen in the case that a child would need to be punished; however, it would be beneficial if you could explain why this method is best out of all the others that are present. You should also be more specific when it comes to tackling children. You could, for instance, discuss a specific age range wherein this method works best because there are instances wherein a child is too young to comprehend said situations. Being more specific can help you have more in-depth content that will elevate your writing.

Apart from that, I think that you should as well focus more on creating more straightforward texts. Avoid being redundant with your language whenever you repeatedly make mention of the same concepts throughout your text. If you can do this, you can create better alternatives that will sharpen your writing skills.

Best of luck.

Hey!
I pretty much like your essay and the way you organize the ideas is good. However, if this is task 2 of an IELTS test, the amount of words is abundant and you may run out of time before you can finish your essay. In the last body, there is no need to give methods to punish kids as this is just an agree disagree opinion esssay

Gud luck!