Children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard, pros and cons?

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - factors to achieve success

Having a good mindset is one of the fundamental factors to be successful. The notion that hard work can archive anything is prominent in some cultures and is being actively taught to children. While this has a lot of advantages such as stimulating the child to work harder and dream bigger, it also has some disadvantages like giving them false hope that could lead to depression.

The main advantage of teaching this to children is that they will work harder. By teaching them so since birth, they will naturally believe it and consequently work harder to get to their goals and dreams. Furthermore, they will dare to dream bigger and try to archive that, which could come true for a handful amount of people who have the talent required but lack confidence.

However, doing so also has disadvantages. The most salient one is that it could lead to false hope and give the children unrealistic belief about life. People who believe in this message will work their hardest, but when they fail to reach their goals, they could fall into depression and ultimately don't even want to work. Additionally, they could get burnt out from working too much midway and possibly have a myriad of health problems.

In conclusion, teaching this message to children brings many benefits to society and to individuals such as stimulating them and helping them to have the confidence they need. However, it could also give them unrealistic ideas about life, and in some cases lead to depression.

The first sentence of the prompt restatement is not well integrated into the the presentation. It became a prompt deviation and personal opinion presentation rather than an important part of the idea rewording. Next time, make sure to blend your thoughts into the paragraph in a manner that will not allow it to be seen as a contradiction in the paraphrasing. The rest of the restatement is actually good, except for that starting sentence. Your opinion is well presented and supported by reasons so that will make up for the minimal deduction that was created by the first sentence in the paragraph.

I wish you had written a longer essay. Say 275 words, to allow you benefit from the full scoring potential of your presentation. The discussion paragraphs as on point, strong, and believable. A little more explanation in the form of example references would have further added to your score overall.

and try to archive that -> achieve
However, doing so also has disadvantages -> I think you can directly get into your opinion "However, this approach could lead to false hope and give the children unrealistic beliefs about life

to individuals -> individuals
You should add some more explanations and examples for each of your opinions.