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Children have trend to be significantly more violent and careless in their study and social life



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May 14, 2010   #1
Hi everyone, this is the first essay for me here. Hopefully, you will revise it and give me an approximate band score.

Schools nowadays have severe problems with student behavior
discuss the causes and suggest solutions.


It is quite common these days to note that children in schools especially those in primary stage have trend to be significantly more violent and careless in their study and social life.from my perspective, I believe that modern radical change in technology might help to cause considerably large defect in student behavior.

Firstly, it is obvious that aquiculture and home rules that have to adopt by parents is the main factor in causing a tremendous change in new generation behavior. Although, nowadays the life of family suffers from hurry sickness as well as there is no enough time to spent on children, but partners should be supposed some important rules that substantially cover most critical issues of child's life.

Actually, because of very long and almost useless leisure time that is given to children, the behavior might be dramatically affected and the result has negative effect on child culture .Recently, parents often prefer to give children very long free time for playing outside home and spend daytime with another children that might result in learning new harmful habits.

Basically, new technologies has very significant reason in developing violence among students. Televsion , net surfing and modern aggressive electronic games cause huge change in children and teenagers thoughts as well as the way of their dealing with adult people .Nowadays, Most of children are largely affected by what they have seen and heard from movies scenes especially that of combat, sex and horror.

Lastly, there are many solutions have to take in consideration to prevent growth of these severe and quite dangerous problems of bad behavior .First of all is the parent's attention that should be cleared and continued from childhood until adulthood .Moreover, school has further crucial chore in bringing up children and learning them essential social rules in special subject.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
May 16, 2010   #2
Hi! Here is a little feedback I'll add to the great advice that has been given...

It is quite common these days to note that children in schools, especially those in primary stages, have tended to be significantly more violent and careless in their study and social life. From my...

I capitalized From because of the new sentence, an important rule, but the more interesting correction involves commas.

Look at that sentence I wrote above, an example of the kind of sentence I am talking about, and notice that the "extra" phrase is separated by commas.

Whenever you want to throw in an extra phrase, one that the sentence would still be complete without, use commas to separate it.

:-)


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