Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


[IELTS] Task 2: Choose a job that you love,rather than the one with high salary



pj0607tw 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2013   #1
Topic:
After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the present society,there are majority of people think that youngster should choose their career by interest, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I stand on the side of the former one.

There is no denying that salary is a top priority when people looking for the job. Most youngster start to responsible for their cost of living since they left school, and thereby, it is vital to consider to find a job with higher salary. For instance, sales provide higher salary and require lower standard (no need to have relevant experience). Although working hours might be longer than other occupations. But be a sales can help youngster earn more money than their peers.

On the other hand, I believe that youngster ought to choose their career by interest. For one thing that, engaged the job you love can let you work in a pleasure atmosphere in order to enhance your work efficiency. For another thing, people can gain more satisfaction once they achieve their goal. For example, being a designer have to endure a long term trial, with low pay and unsteady working hour at the beginning. But once they success in this field, all the skills and experience they acquire in this area are beneficial to them. Most important of all, if youngster choose the job by salary instead of interest, they will change their job once they get bored in the current one, result in they don't have the related experience in one field. On contrary, interest can maintain people enthusiastic in their job, and meanwhile, accumulated their experience in the same area.

All in all, from the above mentioned analysis, we can therefore draw a conclusion that it is crucial for young people to choose their career by interest, because it is major to be an expert in a specific field you love.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Mar 4, 2013   #2
In the present society,there arethe majority of people think that youngsteryoung people should choose their career by interest, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I stand on the side of the former one.

"majority" is singular
Pay more attention to clarity of sentences .... This is my suggestion;
Today, the majority of people hold the view that one must be passionate about his or her career. However some believe that it is the salary what matters the most when choosing a career. However, I support too the former idea because I think job satisfaction plays a more important role than than a high salary for one to be happy with his or her career.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Mar 4, 2013   #3
Most youngster start to responsible for their cost of living since they left school, and thereby, it is vital to consider to find a job with higher salary.

Most youngsters will have to find their own ends meet after leaving school, and therefore it is essential for them to find a job with a higher salary.

But be a sales can help youngster earn more money than their peers.

This seems irrelevant.
But being a youngster involved in sales earn more money than their peers in other fields.

For one thing that, engaged the job you love can let you work in a pleasure atmosphere in order to enhance your work efficiency.

Firstly, having a job you like lets you work with pleasure, and therefore it improves your efficiency.

It'll be better if you mention that most young people can not afford to find work in their desired fields because they need to settle down in life and that needs a lot of money. Therefore most people try to find a well paid job to start off with and later find a job they enjoy.
OP pj0607tw 1 / 1  
Mar 5, 2013   #4
@Pahan:
Thanks for your advice,I was kind of stuck when I wrote the second paragraph.
I'll absorb these idea and rewrite it again.Thanks for your correction


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 2: Choose a job that you love,rather than the one with high salary
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳