Please help me correct the grammar and usage of this TOEFL essay. These are just the developmental paragraphs. I have not written the introductory & concluding. Thank you so much!
Topic: "You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice."
Purchasing a business
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is reasonable investment. Clearly, being a business investor cost us nothing. When we buy a company, we risk our money without knowing that if it is profitable or not. But there are insurance companies. These company insure our money, and if we lose any, they are certain to give it back to us. Thus doing this is safe. Furthermore, investing in a business creates chance for us to accumulate wealth. Today, in a world where the marketplaces are highly dynamic, new products and effective services are always in demand. If we find good and creative ideas, the business will be likely to be successful. And with a well-mannered orientation, it is possible for a business to make large profit. With no doubt, this purchase is justifiable.
In the second place, self-perfection is what I put my priority in. It is widely known that being an entrepreneur asks us to connect all employees. We have to understand every company members and involve them to work together in a same work. Furthermore, we are certain to entrust the suitable tasks for each person. Therefore, this is one of the best way to develop leadership skill. On the other hand, the possession of a company requires us a lot of knowledge and experiences. To drive the company in its way, we are bound to gain more information about the business we are doing. Sometimes, there is likelihood that we have to do take feedback of our new services or products. Without no doubt, this really help us to accumulate knowledge and experiences.
Purchasing a house:
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is life essential. It is common knowledge that owing a house show the responsibility of us with our family. A house creates a stable place for your family to live in. Therefore, we and our family is likely to have a settled job and life. This is the foundation for an independent life. More notably, having a house bring you the necessary privacy. Our personal things are in private. We are likely to free to do the things we like. It is one of the most important requirements of human. With no doubt, a house is vital for our life.
In the second place, reliable investment is what I put my priority in. Clearly, being a house buyer is no risky. The house always belongs to us. Our possessions are protected by the law. Thus this is a safe purchase. More important, a house is always in demand. Therefore, it is a valuable property and not easy to lose price. It is possible for us to create wealth with house trading. This is a justifiable investment. Without no doubt, choosing a house is reasonable.
Topic: "You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice."
Purchasing a business
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is reasonable investment. Clearly, being a business investor cost us nothing. When we buy a company, we risk our money without knowing that if it is profitable or not. But there are insurance companies. These company insure our money, and if we lose any, they are certain to give it back to us. Thus doing this is safe. Furthermore, investing in a business creates chance for us to accumulate wealth. Today, in a world where the marketplaces are highly dynamic, new products and effective services are always in demand. If we find good and creative ideas, the business will be likely to be successful. And with a well-mannered orientation, it is possible for a business to make large profit. With no doubt, this purchase is justifiable.
In the second place, self-perfection is what I put my priority in. It is widely known that being an entrepreneur asks us to connect all employees. We have to understand every company members and involve them to work together in a same work. Furthermore, we are certain to entrust the suitable tasks for each person. Therefore, this is one of the best way to develop leadership skill. On the other hand, the possession of a company requires us a lot of knowledge and experiences. To drive the company in its way, we are bound to gain more information about the business we are doing. Sometimes, there is likelihood that we have to do take feedback of our new services or products. Without no doubt, this really help us to accumulate knowledge and experiences.
Purchasing a house:
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is life essential. It is common knowledge that owing a house show the responsibility of us with our family. A house creates a stable place for your family to live in. Therefore, we and our family is likely to have a settled job and life. This is the foundation for an independent life. More notably, having a house bring you the necessary privacy. Our personal things are in private. We are likely to free to do the things we like. It is one of the most important requirements of human. With no doubt, a house is vital for our life.
In the second place, reliable investment is what I put my priority in. Clearly, being a house buyer is no risky. The house always belongs to us. Our possessions are protected by the law. Thus this is a safe purchase. More important, a house is always in demand. Therefore, it is a valuable property and not easy to lose price. It is possible for us to create wealth with house trading. This is a justifiable investment. Without no doubt, choosing a house is reasonable.
