Cleaning up the environment essay - I WRITE it again give me your opinion and score IELTS

Many people believe that companies and individuals should pay to clean up the environment in proportion to the amount of pollution they have produced. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples.

The idea that The onus of cleaning up the environment lies on individuals which makes pollution seems at the first glance a fair statements, nevertheless it may make assumption that individuals have to be responsible for harmful activity they done against the environment. As I shall argue this is not the whole picture, there are compelling reasons why company should pay extra money for compensation of harmful damages(environmental degradation).

To begin with, businesses are the most contributors to pollution. Company usually consists of multiple departments in which several specialists are employed, therefore some experts can manage pollution. Whereas individuals are very unlikely to hire a specialists, individuals cannot cope with pollution accurately.

The other root of such a grave idea is that incurring most of pollution expenses to businesses is what causes increasing the cost of final products. If these products are distributed and then are bought by citizens, which means individuals pay extra money for pollution caused during the production process.

Moreover, certain activities that harmed the environment are primly motivated by self-interest. Irresponsible companies accomplish some unacceptable activities to earn huge profits such as logging which causes huge deforestation and global warming. In addition, they disposal huge sewage to river, sea or ocean without any water filter.

In conclusion, I once again would like to argue that businesses should manage their by-product which is harmful for the ecosystem or product process which lead to environment damages. If they do not responsible for their drawbacks, they will be punished.

First thing make the structure is more clear to understand ur essay easily.
Now, I think u have ideas but lack of explanation and unrelated examples.
In second paragraph the category of SPECIALISTS is not clear categoru means they are environment specialists or any other.
Next,use some linking connectors bcoz ur 2nd and 3rd paragraph not linked.

Hello Saras,
let me try to give some tips

i would try to rewrite your introduction, since i cannot catch your idea in introduction.

Pollution become the important issues in the world these days. It is believed that [...]

there areis compelling
(use "these are" or "there is")

unlikely to hire a specialists
(article "a" is mean one (singular), if you want to use specialists which is plural write "the specialists")

thanks a lot for all helping I try to correct my writing