Coaches are the best teachers. Agree or disagree with this statement?

Well, I am preparing for IELTS exam and I need your help. Could you score/criticize my essay? Please!

I whole-heartedly support this idea, that crammers are superlative teachers. The reasons in defense of this statement go as follows.
First of all, the biggest advantage of coaches working with students is one-to-one study. Because, as it is known, individual study may play an important role in discovering the strong suit and the heel of Achilles of academic intelligence of pupils, while group studying with twenty or even more students, that present in usual schools, may not afford ground of it.

Also, the benefit that can be reaped from coaches is that the attention of a teacher is paid only to you and not scattered on the others. This may assist you with topics that are not properly understood.

Besides that, it is more convenient in regard to time. This is because you may appoint a time with respect to your personal affairs.
Moreover, individual study may help a teacher and student with getting to know each other, not only on the part of academic performance, but at the same time the peculiarities of a person. I think, it should have a favourable effect on a study and also moral spirit overall. For instance, you are not going to be reprimanded by a teacher for being late, as at school you would get a rap over the knuckles.

In conclusion, of course the choice of weather one-to-one study suits to you or not entirely belongs to you, but, in my opinion, studying with coaches is the best way to improve your knowledge.

251 words.

Hi Kamila.

First of all, it is a better idea to put the entire essay title in your subject area, then we would have a better idea about the what you are going to write.

Second if your writing is for IELTS exam I don't think you accomplished all criteria, which an IELTS paper should have.

A book entitled "Preparation and practice Reading Writing academic module" can help you better to put your essay in an easy and acceptable format, which contains

"Introduction with your thesis statement + " 2-3 paragraph with your reasons and examples" + "conclusion"

You used some complicated and strong words, which make you to fail the proper conveying of information or meaning of what you try to tell. For example, when you talk "the heel of Achilles" of something in fact you talk about the weakness of that thing, while in contrary with what you mentioned earlier here about its "important role".

Your reason in the second paragraph is the repetition of your first reason, and then you might loose your points.

In conclusion you again repeated your opinion again without your reasons.

Keep try and write more and more

Happy writing

Aria

Thank you very much! I will heed your advice!

What is crammers?

You can take out the hyphen and just write wholeheartedly as one word:
I wholeheartedly support this idea, that crammers??? are...

Weather is rain, snow, etc.
You need WHETHER
In conclusion, of course the choice of whether one-to-one study suits to you is yours to make, but in my opinion studying with coaches is the best way to improve your knowledge.

:-)

Some of this confused me. How are you using the word "coaches" here? To me, a coach is a leader of a sports team. Do you mean tutor?

Kevin, thanks for your comment! Yes, i meant tutors :)
cant i use the word "coach" in this way?

Maybe it is okay! It might be my error. Where I live, "coach" usually refers to athletics. So... I think you should just be sure to explain what you mean at the beginning.