Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


College plays a great role in shaping our future :TOEFL



kiratee 1 / 1  
Dec 10, 2012   #1
1) People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

These days people get many choices when it comes to choosing colleges or university. People choose colleges based on the college's popularity, education level or opportunities of job after completing the course of study in that college. There are different reasons why people attend colleges or universities. In my opinion, majority of us attend college for better career and to gain more knowledge. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons that why people attend college for career and knowledge.

College plays its role in building up one's career in many ways. Firstly, by going to college we identify ourselves in some position and can achieve our goal. College provides a degree by which we can get lot more job opportunities and we can make our living more reasonable and respectful. For instance, after I completed my high school I wanted to become a physical therapist in order to earn more money and to get more secured living. So I went to college to earn a degree in physical therapy. These days, job market has become more competitive. Many companies generally desire high skilled employees or atleast graduated from college.

Besides, colleges and universities are good source of knowledge. We can learn new skills in college. In college, professors are high educated so they give lot of information and guide us through our way. Now a days many universities have libraries. Students can take reference books, do researches and pick up new ideas. In college students acquire knowledge from both practical as well as reading books. For example, when I was in college our professor asked each student to do research in particular topic. After completing the research I came to know new techniques and got the skill of presenting my ideas.

Therefore in my opinion, gaining knowledge and having more job opportunities in future are more considered reasons for people to attend university. However, attending college or university is beneficial for every individual.

dumi 1 / 6795  
Dec 11, 2012   #2
Your introduction is pretty good. It follows a good structure and contain good points.

In this essay, I will discuss the reasons that why people attend college for career and knowledge.

..... This you do not have to reiterate because the examiner anyway expects that. This sounds a bit stereotype. Stop at the previous line. : )

Besides, colleges and universities are good source of knowledge. We can learn new skills in college.

Why not combine these two and improve its presentation ?
Besides, colleges and universities are the best places that we can gain a vast knowledge and learn many social skills .... It's important to touch on the social skills that are one of the biggest advantages one would have by attending colleges

Overall, I must say you have a good idea about how this essay should be constructed. Good Job!
OP kiratee 1 / 1  
Dec 11, 2012   #3
@ahmad...oh you changed my whole essay...well thanks...got to know some more tricks...thanks for your feedback...really helpful

@dumi....thanks a lot...nice point you said...i will be posting some more essays...pls check out those too.
SnowTran 2 / 3  
Dec 11, 2012   #4
These days people get many choices when it comes to\ choosing( choose not choosing) colleges or university. People choose colleges based on the college's popularity, education level or opportunities of job after completing the course of study in that college. There are different reasons why people attend colleges or universities. In my opinion, majority(almost all) of us attend college for better careers and to gain more knowledge. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons that( obmit) why people attend college for career and knowledge.( repeat)

College plays its role in building up one's career in many ways. Firstly, by going to college, we identify ourselves in some position and can achieve our goal. College provides a degree by which we can get lot more job opportunities and we can make our living more reasonable and respectful. For instance, after I completed my high school I wanted to become a physical therapist in order to earn more money and to get more secured living. So( after so is a comma not a dot) I went to college to earn( get) a degree in physical therapy. These days, job market has become more competitive. Many companies generally desire high skilled employees or atleast graduated from college.

I think you should revise your essay and pay attention to grammar.
Have a nice day,

Snowtran
colin 23 / 47  
Dec 14, 2012   #5
These days people get many choices when it comes to choosing colleges or university.
==>These days people get many choices when they dicide which university to choose

In my opinion, majority of us attend college for better career and to gain more knowledge.
==>In my opinion, majority of us attend college for the better career and to gain more knowledge.

For instance, after I completed my high school I wanted to become a physical therapist in order to earn more money and to get more secured living.

== to get a more promising life.

Besides, colleges and universities are good source of knowledge.
==>the good source

In college, professors are high educated so they give lot of information and guide us through our way.
==>get a lot of


Home / Writing Feedback / College plays a great role in shaping our future :TOEFL
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳