Colleges for gain knowledge, new experience & prepare for future career - TOEFL

It would seem to me that going to universities has become the obligation and a social trend for some students. Hard as it is, attending colleges has merits in increasing knowledge, gaining new experience, and preparing for the future career.

The plain truth, which lead to the increasing number of students'rushing into unversities ,is that it provides students with numerous prospects to obtain experience. Meeting all sorts of people, faced with thorny situations and encountering failures will definitely elevate your abilities. A latest survey revealed that the majority of parents sense the maturity of their children after four years'campus life. Those parents pointed out the conspicuous changes, say, respect to others, more concentration on details and the capability of handling hurdles. The experience of studying in colleges help them to grow up. Gaining experience is their aim.

Another factor which also contributes to most people's choice of attending colleges is to increase the amount of knowledge. Contemparily, knowledge is in some aspects the key element in deciding one's ability and the fundamental requirment to the brilliant future. Through the process of systematic and professional study in colleges students can gain the indispensable knowledge to adapt themselves to the society. My sister is one of those who accomplish a lot through college study. She was considerably worried about his future when entering into college. However, via four years'study, she accumulated enough knowledge to get a job with fat salary. The gathering amount of knowledge will result in confidence in myself and then lead to the potential success. In most cases, the knowledge, learned in unversities, will do them a favor in various ways.

Personally, the most primary cause is to have a firm foundation for the future. Attending colleges is juat an approach to make oueselves more adapted to the life in the future, no matter to gain the experience or to add the knowledge. According to an investigation, nearly 90% of the students claim that their endeavor is for the intention of better "tomorrow". As the famous saying goes, "Universities are where dreams are fermented". A fair proportion of students form their ambitions and start to pursue their dreams here, thus the principal aim is to qualify themselves for the future.

From what outlined above, it isn't tough for us to draw the conclusion that the university does count.

.Charisma. is the wrong word here.


And, yet, the vast majority of the adults in the world haven't gone to college, and until recently, only a handful ever really expected to.

Okay, go through and put spaces between your sentences. The lack of them makes this too hard to keep reading. Add the spaces and then repost.

Thank you very much.I decide to change the word charisma into merits, and I don't know if this word make this sentence more nature.To tell your the truth, I don't know how to use the punctuation (except the basic use like"." )and space.If you have spare time to tell me, I will really appreciate your help.

I read others' passages later, and find some rules in the use of space. I recorrect some mistakes, but I'm not sure whether my revisions are correct, and I hope your help. Can you tell me when I can use the word "charizma"?

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH.
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I have another question. Is that the more complex words are used, the higher score I can get true?

Yes and no. Yes, showing that you have an advanced vocabulary by using strong verbs and precise nouns to make your writing concise will definitely help you, No, simply throwing in big words for the sake of using them won't do anything except annoy your readers, especially if you use them incorrectly. In fact, that could actually lower your mark. Your essay contains some good and some bad examples of lexical choices.

Good: "Those parents pointed out the conspicuous changes, say, respect to others, more concentration on details and the capability of handling hurdles."

Grammatically this sentence needs revising, but your use of the words "conspicuous" and "hurdle" put your diction at the level you are aiming for.

Bad: "Contemparily, knowledge is in some aspects the key element in deciding one's ability and the fundamental requirement to the brilliant future."

This entire sentence is so vague as to border on being meaningless. Also, "Contemparily" is not a word. You might have meant "contemporarily," but that wouldn't really be right here, either.

Thank you. I will pay more attention to the use of words. But, I wonder why the sentence "Those parents pointed out the conspicuous changes, say, respect to others, more concentration on details and the capability of handling hurdles." needs revising grammatically. As a foreigner, I can't figure out what's wrong? Could you show me more clearly?

Judging from your reply, I think that some long sentences may confuse people, though the grammer mistakes aren't very clear. One of my best friends has once suggested me writing short sentences, however, my teacher said when taking the toefl test, long sentences are better off. I used to try to write long sentences, but after reading your reply I really feel confused.

Sentences should not be artificially long. That is, you shouldn't just add words to make the sentence stretch out. You can combine several shorter sentences into one longer one, if you'd like. It's a good idea to do this occasionally, as the best writing uses a variety of sentence structures and lengths.

As to the sentence:

"Those parents pointed out many conspicuous changes, such asincreased respect for others, a greater ability to concentrate on details and a new capacity to handle hurdles." The main changes are the smallest ones -- using the right prepositions. The rest just makes the structure more tightly parallel.

I get your point. Thank you very much.

Indeed, the hallmark of good writing is the ability to say what you mean in as few judiciously chosen words as possible.

Making sentences artificially long not only introduces more room for grammar and punctuation errors but also makes the writer look like someone who is trying to appear more educated than he or she really is. In other words, it has the opposite of the intended effect, making the writer seem ignorant rather than educated. The same holds true for over-use of long or complex words, especially if these are used incorrectly or even just oddly.

By the way, what made you say "charisma" when you meant "merits"? A translator? An online thesaurus? Whenever you find a synonym that you might want to use, look up the new word in the dictionary, attending closely to all its associated meanings. That way, you will not choose a word so obviously not what you were trying to say.

It occurs to me that this too is a modern prejudice. Ornate sentences used to be the hallmark of good style. But then, that was in a more poetic age, one in which people were less rushed.

Indeed. And, in literature as opposed to workaday prose, ornate sentences are still acceptable. (David Foster Wallace, anyone?) But for argumentative or informative essays, I believe that the modern preference for concision is an improvement. As Orwell pointed out, the obfuscation inherent in overly ornate prose can have ill effects.