The topic of the essay is to Compare your Family Dynamics with the Dynamics of one of the characters in the three short stories we read. The one I choose is called The Girl Next Door, which in brief is about a mother and her nine year old daughter living in poverty. The mother completely neglects her child and works as a bar tender from the hours of 4pm til 3am, during these hours the child is alone.
Essay: 1490 Words
"Family dynamics is the term used for the way that families communicate and exist together. Every family has a distinct pattern of relating to one another, which can be positive or negative. (Rachel Olivia)." The dynamic is often influenced by certain aspects such as structure, dysfunction, and roles played by each member of the family. Therefore, my family dynamic is completely opposite from the dynamic of Brandi from "The Girl Next Door" by Sedaris.
To begin with, Brandi is an only child living in poverty along with her mother. The structure of her family consists of only two people, her mom and herself. Brandi's mother as a single mother has sole responsibility of the decision-making, the finances, and nurturing of her child. As a woman in our society she is going to make less money than a man and employers are less likely to hire a single parent due to reliability issues. For example, when Brandi's mother is confronted by the author for Brandi vandalizing his belongings, she snaps at him saying "I don't need this right now. No, you know what? I don't need this period. Do you think having a baby was easy for me? I don't have nobody helping me out, a husband or daycare or whatever. I'm all alone here, understand? (Sedaris 516)." As you can see, she has too much on her plate with trying to raise a child and keep her life together. Therefore, the structure of their family causes less attention to the child because of the other areas of importance that the mother is giving more attention to. The relationship between the two of them in terms of structure is just like two roommates living together in one apartment and neither one really cares what the other one does.
Next, every family has members who play certain roles in it and these roles effect how we communicate with each of those family members. Brandi is definitely playing the role of the rebellious child. She is always causing trouble in order to get attention out of her mother but her mother never cares, so Brandi gets away with everything. As far as her mother goes, she is playing the role of an irresponsible mother. She doesn't disciple her child or teaches her right from wrong and she has no sense of shame with random men coming around the house. In other words, Brandi has no deep connection to a mother figure or knows how to act according in a mother-daughter relationship. The bond that is supposed to be shared between the two has never developed and it probably never will.
Undoubtedly, Brandi is part of a dysfunctional family and this is very unhealthy for molding a child. The dysfunction starts with her mother who neglects her child and leaves her alone for hours upon hours at night. In turn, Brandi seeks attention from anyone around her because she is not being nurtured by her own mother. She doesn't understand the boundaries or importance of certain objects to other people because she doesn't even own anything of her own at her home. For example, when the author is showing Brandi around his apartment, he believes he "was exposing her to the things a regular person might own and appreciate, but all she heard was the possessive (Sedaris 511)." As you can see, she doesn't see the beauty in any of the things she is being shown but only realizing that it doesn't belong to her. Furthermore, her mother seems to take out all of her frustration out on Brandi but doesn't know how to lead by example. The little bit of discipline that goes into her bickering is wasted by the fact that she contradicts every word she says. For example, the author would sometimes listen to Brandi's mother "find an excuse to bully her daughter out of bed. Brandi had left a doughnut on the TV or Brandi had forgotten to drain her bathwater. Those are important lessons to learn, but there's something to be said for leading by example (Sedaris 510)." In essence, the dysfunctional family doesn't set a great foundation for the kids to grow and the parents never learn how to properly raise their kids either.
As for my family, our structure is very basic from any other family, which is a mother, a father, a son and a daughter. My parents started in poverty when we first moved to this country with nothing but they still taught me discipline and right from wrong. For this reason, when I communicate with my parents and others around me, I show them the respect they deserve and never stepped out of line. Furthermore, we are still basic in the sense that it's a daddy's little girl and momma's boy sense. I will always seek out my mom for material items or to talk out most of my issues with, but it is the exact opposite for my sister who will always console with my father. Even though, we both communicate more with one parent than the other, that doesn't cause any kind of division within our family. The decision-making, finances, and nurturing of us kids still is the responsibility of both parents as a unit and they work very well together. In other words, our family's structure has created a healthy environment for us to communicate openly with one another and to look up to our parents.
Next, the roles in my family are a little more dynamic than traditional roles. My father is the main bread maker in our house but he is usually the easier going one. He has always been one to work for everything he has and has always done everything in his power to put food on the table. Likewise, my mother has great work ethic but was usually the one to give out the punishments and be the nurturing figure. She had a duty to the home as well as a job to help support our family when we were younger. Both my parents were striving to give us, the kids, a better shot in life and were role models to my sister and I. As far as my sister was concerned, she definitely played the role as the baby of the family but as we grew older she became the hard working prodigy that I should have been. Her work ethic compared to mine was like comparing a mouse and an elephant when we were growing up. I was the older child but I didn't take the role of the child who went all out in activities and strived for acceptance from my parents. Instead, I was the older protective brother who basically just did enough to get by but my sister excelled in everything. The role reversal never really affected how my sister and I communicated with each other. Also, the roles set in our family helped establish boundaries between us and created limits.
Truly, my family is a functional one in which we share experiences and openly communicate with each other. I don't claim my family to be without dysfunction at all because no family is completely content with their relationships in one another and have zero arguments. We sometimes clash with different opinions because we, the kids, are raised in a different culture than our parents but we can get through anything. We can always negotiate around some of the boundaries and get our parents to understand our side of the argument. Our family is a unit that works well together because we were raised correctly. The environment shaped us some but my parents were there to show us the right and wrong paths for us to realize that actions have consequences. Undoubtedly, my parents have given my sister and me much more than they could have ever dreamed of when they were young.
In conclusion, Brandi's family and my family are complete polar opposites but, we were raised in the same type of environment. The structure is a two family system compared to a four family system in which her mother completely neglects her child but our parents were there for us every step of the way. As far as the roles in each family, you can clearly tell that Brandi's mother plays a negative role in her upbringing. On the other hand, my family plays a positive role in my upbringing and has put in the effort to raise us the right way. Likewise, our families are complete opposites when it comes to either being functional or dysfunctional. Brandi's family as a dysfunctional one will most likely be her downfall and leave her stuck in poverty along with a bitter mother. My family as a functional one will always be there to love and support any decision I make. Also, that's how a family should be, in order for an individual to grow and have a shot in this world.
Essay: 1490 Words
Essay: 1490 Words
"Family dynamics is the term used for the way that families communicate and exist together. Every family has a distinct pattern of relating to one another, which can be positive or negative. (Rachel Olivia)." The dynamic is often influenced by certain aspects such as structure, dysfunction, and roles played by each member of the family. Therefore, my family dynamic is completely opposite from the dynamic of Brandi from "The Girl Next Door" by Sedaris.
To begin with, Brandi is an only child living in poverty along with her mother. The structure of her family consists of only two people, her mom and herself. Brandi's mother as a single mother has sole responsibility of the decision-making, the finances, and nurturing of her child. As a woman in our society she is going to make less money than a man and employers are less likely to hire a single parent due to reliability issues. For example, when Brandi's mother is confronted by the author for Brandi vandalizing his belongings, she snaps at him saying "I don't need this right now. No, you know what? I don't need this period. Do you think having a baby was easy for me? I don't have nobody helping me out, a husband or daycare or whatever. I'm all alone here, understand? (Sedaris 516)." As you can see, she has too much on her plate with trying to raise a child and keep her life together. Therefore, the structure of their family causes less attention to the child because of the other areas of importance that the mother is giving more attention to. The relationship between the two of them in terms of structure is just like two roommates living together in one apartment and neither one really cares what the other one does.
Next, every family has members who play certain roles in it and these roles effect how we communicate with each of those family members. Brandi is definitely playing the role of the rebellious child. She is always causing trouble in order to get attention out of her mother but her mother never cares, so Brandi gets away with everything. As far as her mother goes, she is playing the role of an irresponsible mother. She doesn't disciple her child or teaches her right from wrong and she has no sense of shame with random men coming around the house. In other words, Brandi has no deep connection to a mother figure or knows how to act according in a mother-daughter relationship. The bond that is supposed to be shared between the two has never developed and it probably never will.
Undoubtedly, Brandi is part of a dysfunctional family and this is very unhealthy for molding a child. The dysfunction starts with her mother who neglects her child and leaves her alone for hours upon hours at night. In turn, Brandi seeks attention from anyone around her because she is not being nurtured by her own mother. She doesn't understand the boundaries or importance of certain objects to other people because she doesn't even own anything of her own at her home. For example, when the author is showing Brandi around his apartment, he believes he "was exposing her to the things a regular person might own and appreciate, but all she heard was the possessive (Sedaris 511)." As you can see, she doesn't see the beauty in any of the things she is being shown but only realizing that it doesn't belong to her. Furthermore, her mother seems to take out all of her frustration out on Brandi but doesn't know how to lead by example. The little bit of discipline that goes into her bickering is wasted by the fact that she contradicts every word she says. For example, the author would sometimes listen to Brandi's mother "find an excuse to bully her daughter out of bed. Brandi had left a doughnut on the TV or Brandi had forgotten to drain her bathwater. Those are important lessons to learn, but there's something to be said for leading by example (Sedaris 510)." In essence, the dysfunctional family doesn't set a great foundation for the kids to grow and the parents never learn how to properly raise their kids either.
As for my family, our structure is very basic from any other family, which is a mother, a father, a son and a daughter. My parents started in poverty when we first moved to this country with nothing but they still taught me discipline and right from wrong. For this reason, when I communicate with my parents and others around me, I show them the respect they deserve and never stepped out of line. Furthermore, we are still basic in the sense that it's a daddy's little girl and momma's boy sense. I will always seek out my mom for material items or to talk out most of my issues with, but it is the exact opposite for my sister who will always console with my father. Even though, we both communicate more with one parent than the other, that doesn't cause any kind of division within our family. The decision-making, finances, and nurturing of us kids still is the responsibility of both parents as a unit and they work very well together. In other words, our family's structure has created a healthy environment for us to communicate openly with one another and to look up to our parents.
Next, the roles in my family are a little more dynamic than traditional roles. My father is the main bread maker in our house but he is usually the easier going one. He has always been one to work for everything he has and has always done everything in his power to put food on the table. Likewise, my mother has great work ethic but was usually the one to give out the punishments and be the nurturing figure. She had a duty to the home as well as a job to help support our family when we were younger. Both my parents were striving to give us, the kids, a better shot in life and were role models to my sister and I. As far as my sister was concerned, she definitely played the role as the baby of the family but as we grew older she became the hard working prodigy that I should have been. Her work ethic compared to mine was like comparing a mouse and an elephant when we were growing up. I was the older child but I didn't take the role of the child who went all out in activities and strived for acceptance from my parents. Instead, I was the older protective brother who basically just did enough to get by but my sister excelled in everything. The role reversal never really affected how my sister and I communicated with each other. Also, the roles set in our family helped establish boundaries between us and created limits.
Truly, my family is a functional one in which we share experiences and openly communicate with each other. I don't claim my family to be without dysfunction at all because no family is completely content with their relationships in one another and have zero arguments. We sometimes clash with different opinions because we, the kids, are raised in a different culture than our parents but we can get through anything. We can always negotiate around some of the boundaries and get our parents to understand our side of the argument. Our family is a unit that works well together because we were raised correctly. The environment shaped us some but my parents were there to show us the right and wrong paths for us to realize that actions have consequences. Undoubtedly, my parents have given my sister and me much more than they could have ever dreamed of when they were young.
In conclusion, Brandi's family and my family are complete polar opposites but, we were raised in the same type of environment. The structure is a two family system compared to a four family system in which her mother completely neglects her child but our parents were there for us every step of the way. As far as the roles in each family, you can clearly tell that Brandi's mother plays a negative role in her upbringing. On the other hand, my family plays a positive role in my upbringing and has put in the effort to raise us the right way. Likewise, our families are complete opposites when it comes to either being functional or dysfunctional. Brandi's family as a dysfunctional one will most likely be her downfall and leave her stuck in poverty along with a bitter mother. My family as a functional one will always be there to love and support any decision I make. Also, that's how a family should be, in order for an individual to grow and have a shot in this world.
Essay: 1490 Words
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