Unanswered [60] | Urgent [1]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Comparing the proportion of leisure activities that older people had done in their spare time

haidangcr113 1 / -  
Aug 1, 2022   #1

how elderly people in the United States spent their free time (1980 to 2010)

The line chart depicts information about comparing the proportion of leisure activities that older people had done in their spare time over a period of 30 years. Overall, watching TV was the highest recreational activity of elders in the US. In addition, while the proportion of theatre activity decreased moderately, the opposite was true for four other activity forms.

In 1980, the most popular activities were watching TV and theatre, with each accounting for 60% and 50%, respectively. Over the following 20 years witnessed a significant climb in the percentage of watching TV activity, reaching a peak of 70% in 2000 before dropping slightly to 65% in 2010. By contrast, senior citizens who took part in theatre activity fell considerably, which accounted for 20% in 2000 but this rose sharply and end at 45% in 2010.

The subsequent common three recreational activities that the old were the most favorite were reading, hiking, and surfing the internet, which attracted 30%, 20%, and 5%, respectively, in 1980. Over the next 30 years, there was a dramatic jump in the rate of hiking activity, which made up 60% in 2000, and this activity continued to lead strongly and reach a peak point of 80% in 2010. While the rate of surfing the internet had an upward trend and attracted 15% in 2000, the opposite was true for a reading activity, hitting a trough of 20%. Since then, both these activities increased dramatically to reach 50% and 60 respectively, in 2010.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4652  
Aug 1, 2022   #2
The writer has not completed an analysis that will suit the 20 minute writing time allowance. By writing almost 250 words, the writer is sure to cut into the 40 minute writing time of the task 2 essay. In order to meet the 20 minute limitation, he should not write more than 200 words. When writing a task 1 essay, it is important tha the information be presented accurately in a short form. That means more meaninful and illustrative words need to be used to express the information provided, without being too flowery or creative. Be straight / direct to the point in every paragraph.

As an important aspect of the information overview, the country involved should be mentioned in the first sentence, not the second. That is to help establish the foundational information from the image. It helps to avoid confusion regarding image source data.

It appears that the writer just kept using words throughout the essay to help lengthen the presentation without realizing that there is a maximum and minimum word requirement. It is important to note that the longer the essay, the more chances there will be of presenting confusing information, inappropriate word usage, or sentence structure errors. All of these problems can be skirted by simply keeping the essay short as required of an analytical reporting essay. There is no need for dramatic flair in task 1 writing. It need not be too creative nor descriptive either. Write for the professional audience that will be reading the paper.

Home / Writing Feedback / Comparing the proportion of leisure activities that older people had done in their spare time
Writing Help?

Visit CustomPapers.com ◳

Visit GraduateWriter.com ◳
(GW10 - 10% discount!)